Sherman Ave Professor of the Year Bracket: FINALS - Renee Engeln vs. Alex Birdwell
SHERMAN AVE POTY BRACKET EPISODE 5: The Engeln Strikes Back
Much like a certain tale about ragtag crew of rebels that took down the monolithic power of the Death Star against all odds, Alex Birdwell's Cinderella run from play-in four seed to the championship round is the kind of family-friendly feel-good story that we would trust J.J. Abrams to expand upon. However, he goes up against a competitor more fearsome (by a long shot) than anyone he has faced thus far. Will Birdwell get his hand cut off? Will George Lucas do a shoddy job exploring Renee's dark past? The choice is yours.
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Why Alex Birdwell can win:
What does your ideal professor look like? Don’t answer—I already know. It’s a professor who, when he was five, won the third-grade science fair by constructing a toaster out of tin foil, aluminum, and dedication. A professor who grew up shucking corn and herding cattle in rural Idaho, but quickly learned to love Evanston’s bright lights and pretty faces. A professor who could program a robot which has the ability to conquer humanity, but chooses to love instead. A professor, dear companions, named Alex Birdwell.
Nothing about Professor Birdwell in this analysis is technically “accurate” or “true,” but what do facts matter? Professor Birdwell is no journalist. Professor Birdwell is a McCormick Titan. He’s steamrolling into the finals matchup fueled by the basic laws of inertia and precise calculations of trajectory. Mind magic and witchcraft taught in psychology classes mean nothing in the face of STEEL and IRON and other metals which Birdwell’s engineering students bang with hammers all day long. What happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force? Professor Birdwell might have the formulas to explain the answer to you. Everything in Professor Birdwell’s life leads up to this moment, here, now, forever. Ali, Sinatra, Sosa, Lincoln, Alex Birdwell. Get used to hearing his name with the greats. This championship ring will be the first of at least forty.
- Scurvy Jacobson
Why Renee Engeln can win:
These are pictures we took of Renee battling her previous competitors. Enough said.
- Reverend Doctor Dee Dee Turlington Esquire, Attorney at Law
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