Sherman Ave Presents: Ikea Bingo
Ikea is an awful place. The Swede-founded furniture mega-mart is like some terrible cross between Disneyworld, the Minotaur’s Labyrinth, and your local mattress store. It is humanly impossible to spend less than thirty minutes inside its walls, trying desperately to navigate yourself through the aisles of Bjurstas and Husviks, all while dodging the inevitable hoards of small children manically gallivanting across your path. For college students, however, it’s an unavoidable destination: if you need a piece of furniture, Ikea’s gonna have it (simply because of the store’s sheer size); as such, hundreds of thousands of university kids make the pilgrimage through Ikea’s maze-like corridors every summer’s end.
Fortunately, your Ikea trip doesn’t have to be akin to Odysseus’s journey through the underworld. We at Sherman Ave have created “Ikea Bingo” – a way to people watch, amuse yourself, and maintain your sanity as your mom tries to convince you to buy a neon-green end table (“but it’s so cute and little, ________, and it’s only $39.99!”) The best part? For every five in a row you complete, you are entitled to a free hjotdvög (hot dog) from the food court. Just be sure to eat it fast and delicately, because it will break instantly if you handle it roughly.