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Sherman Ave Interviews Homecoming Court: Sarah Carthen Watson

Sherman Ave Interviews Homecoming Court: Sarah Carthen Watson

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photo Last month, Sherman Ave sat down with all twelve members of this year’s Northwestern Homecoming Court, and had conversations about love, life, and bad decisions made at Cheesie’s.  All this week, we will be publishing these interviews in anticipation of voting for Homecoming King and Queen opening on the 11th of October.

In this installment, Sherman Ave writers Prince Giblets, Felix Jortex, and Manua Hiki-Hiki sat down with Sarah Carthen Watson, to talk about the gluten-free twerk, Chad Kroeger, and Joe Biden's sex life.

 

Prince Giblets: So Sarah, where are you from originally?

Sarah Carthen Watson: Shoreview, Minnesota.

Giblets: Is it true that people actually do live in Minnesota?

Sarah: It is.  And black people do live in Minnesota, contrary to popular belief.  We’re over 5%.

Giblets: That’s better than 4% or 3%.

Sarah: Right? Progress.  Great Migration did us well.

Felix Jortex: So what’s your major?

Sarah: Social Policy.

Felix: And what are you involved in on campus?

Sarah: I’m coordinator of FMO, director of SHAPE, and I co-founded the chapter of Sustained Dialogue here at Northwestern.

Felix: So how do you “sustain dialogue?”

Sarah: You force people to talk over and over again.

Felix: Good.  

Sarah: [Laughs] It’s a very exact science.

Giblets: So where’s your favorite place to take a shit on campus?

Sarah: Is this actually gonna be a question?!

Giblets: Oh, we’re just getting started.

Sarah: Uh…that’s a good question, I need to think about that...Plex, I guess.

Felix: I will agree with that.  I’ve taken many a-shit in the Plex bathrooms, and they are always very nice.

Giblets: Is there a publicly accessible bathroom in Plex?

Sarah: Mmhmm.  It’s in the lobby.

Giblets: Oh.  The more you know.

Hiki-Hiki: Speaking of shit, how much would we have to pay you to drink this shitty wine? [Jestures to a bottle of Livingston-brand Merlot sitting on the table]

Sarah: I’ll just take it off your hands.  I’m always down for wine.

Giblets: It is Livingston wine.  Best of the best.

Sarah: Still in a glass bottle.  And it’s not a twist-off.  That’s already progress right there.

Giblets:It tastes like candy that someone has dropped in vinegar.

Felix: You know how like Brisk is like, 99 cents, but is shitty tea in a glass bottle?  That’s the equivalent of Brisk.

Sarah: I mean, I’m sure you could sell it to some freshmen for like $100.

Giblets: Oh for sure.  Who’s the hottest freshman you’ve seen?

Sarah: [Pause] I mean, I don’t know any of their names…

Giblets: Doesn’t matter.

Sarah: I saw a couple during the March to the Arch - Homecoming was handing out water bottles.  There were a couple of eager ones that were like, “oh my god, Northwestern is the best, you get free water!”  Just wait until your first round of midterms next week.

Felix: Why do you think you should be Homecoming Queen?

Sarah: I think I should be Homecoming Queen because we need a sassy one, and I’m very sassy.  And I would look really great in a crown.  I wore a 21st birthday tiara for my entire birthday week, and I’m pretty sure royalty just suits me.

Giblets: The entire week?  That’s impressive.

Sarah: And a sash.  So I’m already good to go.  I have all the practice.

Giblets: So you’ve been training for it, basically.

Sarah: Exactly.  And I wear a lot of purple, in general, which is like a royal color.  I was cut out for it.

Felix: How do you plan on destroying your competition?

Sarah: [Laughs, pause] Corrupting all the freshmen.  Gotta get the freshmen vote.

Hiki-Hiki: Who do you consider your biggest threat?

Sarah: Unfortunately, I actually don’t know any of them well enough to know!  We haven’t like actually all met each other at the same time.  I think...the person that people seem to know is Emily.  People talk about her a lot, like everybody knows her.  So she might be a pretty big threat.

Giblets: So as you’ve probably heard, Northwestern dropped in the US World and News Rankings.  Whose fault is it?

Sarah: In terms of administrators, or…?

Giblets: Whatever you want.

Felix: Blame something.

Giblets: Someone needs to be blamed.

Sarah: I blame Morty.  Clearly he’s not being as charismatic as he used to be.  He needs to wear more purple, that’s the key.  And he needs to stop asking people for money!  They’re not gonna like us as much.      

Felix: So colors and money.

Sarah: I mean, is that not what Northwestern is?

[All laugh]

Felix: Can’t argue with that.

Giblets: “Northwestern: Colors and Money”

Felix: That sounds like an early hip-hop album.  

Sarah: Morty on the cover with a giant dollar bill.

Hiki-Hiki: Speaking of charismatic white men...wherever he is, do you think Joe Biden is happy right now?

Sarah: I think Joe Biden is always happy.  Like, you never see him without a smile on his face - he’s just the charismatic guy!  He’s Obama’s right-hand man who just gets to be happy while Obama looks stern and, like, shrunken all the time.

Hiki-Hiki: Shrunken…?

Sarah: He has to run the free world!

Giblets: He also gets tons of poon.  Joe Biden.

Sarah: Definitely.  

Giblets: When you go to Cheesie’s ---

Sarah: I’ve never been. Well actually I take that back. I’ve been one time.

Giblets: So when you went to Cheesie’s that one time, what did you get - besides indigestion and regret?

Sarah: I got chicken nuggets.

Giblets: Oh yeah?

Sarah: I’m lactose-intolerant dude.

Giblets: I got chicken nuggets once.

Sarah: We’re lactose-intolerant people. Why would we go to Cheesie’s?

Giblets: Oh really? I’m lactose-intolerant.

Sarah: I can’t do it. It’s not worth it. Grilled cheese just isn’t worth it.

Giblets: Which is why I got chicken tenders at Cheesie’s.

Hiki-Hiki: How does it feel being an intolerant person?

Sarah: It sucks.

Giblets: Whatever. Milk sucks.

Felix: So if you had to describe yourself as an emoji - what are we working with here?

Sarah: I was actually just talking about this. I would say I’m a cross between the little girl who’s like flipping her hair, because I’m always like this *flips hair* and I take a lot of selfies. So it’s a cross between that one and the stale face emoji where he’s like giving side-eye. You know what I’m talking about?

Giblets: Uh-huh.

Sarah: Yeah, that one. I send that one a lot.

Felix: Which emoji would you fuck?

Sarah: The one of the guy with his hands up because he already looks ready to go.

Giblets: He IS ready.

Sarah: He’s enthusiastic. I admire that.

Giblets: Ahhhh that’s really funny...What is your favorite Nickelback song and why?

Sarah: Uhhh…(long pause). The one where “If today was your last day?”

Giblets: Sure.

Sarah: That one because, even though they’re a shitty band, at least they care about the world. That gives ‘em a few bonus points.

Giblets: Chad Kroeger’s probably a good guy.

Sarah: Eh.

Hiki-Hiki: Eh, debatable.

Giblets: Somewhere...Rockstar with a heart of gold.

Felix: Is he the one that’s dating Avril Lavigne?

Sarah: Yeah.

Giblets: I think they are currently ---

Hiki-Hiki: They’re getting a divorce.

Giblets: They’re headed for Splitsville.

Sarah: That’s awkward.

Giblets: That’s the word on the street.

Sarah: He probably forced her to listen to every album.

Giblets: It’s really sad.

Felix: (Chad Kroeger voice) “Look at this photograph. Everytime I do, it makes me laugh.”

Sarah: See. It’s painful. If you have to force it that much, maybe you need to pick a new song.

Giblets: It’s really like a demand, like “LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH!”

Sarah: “YOU WILL LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH! Right now.”

Felix: I feel like he got famous by accidentally yelling into a microphone and someone was like, “Hey!”

Giblets: “Can you do that again, 12 more times?” “Sure!”

Felix: So, can you invite us to a party?

Sarah: Yeah. Right now?

Felix: Let’s do it.

Hiki-Hiki: Right now. What is the party you’re going to invite us to?

Sarah: It’s a party called “Got Twerk.” It’s on Sunday. You should check it out.

Giblets: Okay. Cool. Do we have to actually have twerk?

Sarah: There will be people there in possession of twerk who can lend you it.

Giblets: Can we buy it from them?

Sarah: It’s free. I mean, you pay three dollars to get in…

Giblets: Oh, sweet!

Felix: Is it fair trade?

Sarah: Yes.

Giblets: I only consume organic twerk.

Sarah: I think we have some vegan twerk available.

Giblets: Gluten-free twerk?

Sarah: Gluten-free twerk, of course.

Giblets: Okay, good.

Felix: I know Northwestern’s dining halls are number one in vegan options -- do you think they serve vegan twerk?

Sarah: I don’t think they do. They seem to be a little more cultured than that. At least they try to be. Make a request. Don’t they have those little request forms? “Request for vegan twerk.”

Felix: Do they ever look at those? I feel like they throw those out.

Giblets: Yeah, they fucking throw those away. Maybe they do, but I’m gonna guess not.

Hiki-Hiki: So what is your go-to dance move? Is it the vegan twerk?

Sarah: It is not the vegan twerk. I would say the go-to move is like the two-step. Because you can do it to just about anything, even if you don’t like the song or you’re pretending to like the song or you’ve never heard the song before but want everybody to think you know the song. You just hit the two-step and everybody knows...Then you demonstrate that you have rhythm, so people know that you can dance - but they’re not looking at you because you’re not doing anything crazy.

Giblets: I’m a big fan of “The White Guy” *dances horribly*

Felix: Oh...yeah. You got it.

Hiki-Hiki: We’ll work that into the transcript.

Felix: So in 2008, you liked Chris Brown on Facebook. How’s that going?

Sarah: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….7th grade Sarah could not bring herself to unlike Chris Brown on Facebook, and occasionally he pops up on my newsfeed and I try not to look because, like, (points to self) S.H.A.P.E. director. Not about that. But it still hurts. It still hurts.

Giblets: I mean, at the time “Run It,” or rather, “Run It!” (yelling) because there was an exclamation point, was pretty big.

Sarah: Exactly. And he was very enthusiastic. I saw him in concert for my 13th birthday. I touched his abs, and had to be forced to wash my hand after.

Giblets: Nice.

Felix: Someone made you wash your hand?

Sarah: My mom made me wash my hand after.

Giblets: I just imagine one of Chris Brown’s posse being like, “Yo! Did you touch him? You gotta wash your hand.”

Sarah: I also had to fight a 40-year-old woman for a towel that he threw into the audience. Keep in mind that he was 16 at the time. A little questionable. I was like, “Where are your kids?” And she’s like, “I’M NOT HERE WITH MY KIDS!” That makes it worse.

Giblets: Did you get the towel?

Sarah: No! I was like 13 - and she was a grown-ass woman trying to take this towel from a 13-year-old. She took my dreams.

Giblets: Well I’m sure she’s very happy now that she has that towel.

Sarah: Oh, I’m sure.

Giblets: That’s a good investment.

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