Sherman Ave Interviews Homecoming Court: Meera Patel
Last month, Sherman Ave sat down with all twelve members of this year's Northwestern Homecoming Court, and had conversations about love, life, and bad decisions made at Cheesie's. All this week, we will be publishing these interviews in anticipation of voting for Homecoming King and Queen opening on the 11th of October.
In this installment, Sherman Ave writers Charlotte Clunt, Cassandra Goochi, and Pip Sleazy sat down with HC Queen nominee Meera Patel, for an enlightening conversation on mostly trivial shit.
Clunt: Where are you from originally?
Meera Patel: I’m from Coppell, Texas. Well okay it’s a long story because I was born in Atlanta and then I lived in Zimbabwe for a year and then I lived in India for a year and then I moved to Dallas.
Clunt: So out of all of those places, you actively choose to say you’re from Texas?
Meera: Yeah because I spent like most of my life in Dallas.
Cassandra Goochi: So what kind of things are you involved in on campus?
Meera: So I’m really involved in my sorority. I’m involved with College Fems…College Feminists, and I’m chair of Take Back the Night which is that march that we do every year to raise awareness for sexual assault and domestic violence. I also write for the Daily as an opinion columnist. It’s always so hard to list these things…I can’t remember. There’s like something else really random, but I don’t think it’s relevant.
Pip Sleazy: And what are you studying?
Meera: Industrial Engineering
Pip Sleazy: Very Nice. So you like industry?
Meera: I don’t know if I wanna work there. Or work in IE after I graduate. I got a theme in English writing and composition because I like writing, but I don’t think I can really like get hired with an IE degree for a writing job, so I’m not really sure where I’m going.
Clunt: Do you have anything left on your Northwestern bucket list?
Meera: I really want to jump in the lake, just like, off the rocks, but I think that’s kind of dangerous.
Clunt: Also, just a follow-up to that, have you ever vomited in a bucket?
Meera: I don’t…think so? No?
Pip Sleazy: So you threw up in something that was like a bucket, but you’re not sure if it was a bucket?
Meera: I’m a little worried about answering this question.
Goochi: There’s no judging here.
Meera: I think I did like last summer at some point. But what is the context of this?
Goochi: A bucket or something like a bucket?
Meera: It was like a bucket? I don’t really remember.
Goochi: Like a bowl?
Meera: [Awkward silence]
Goochi: All right, next question. Can you please define “Northwestern Hot”?
Meera: Well I think it’s kind of skewed. I guess nerdy but you like act like you’re not nerdy…? I don’t know.
Goochi: Would you consider yourself “Northwestern Hot”?
Meera: I have no idea. I don’t think so.
Pip Sleazy: So you’re saying you’re cool?
Meera: Yes.
Pip Sleazy: Which Spongebob episode would you say has defined your character the most?
Meera: I think the only Spongebob episode I remember…is there one where he finally gets the secret recipe?
Pip Sleazy: When Plankton gets it?
Meera: Yes, I think so. Yeah, that one. Because he goes nuts, right?
Pip Sleazy: Yeah, he goes bananas.
Meera: I mean, he always goes bananas.
Goochi: So is that how you see yourself? Like what part of that episode really speaks to your character? Are you evil?
Meera: Yes, I do say that I’m evil a lot. But it’s kind of like a joke.
Goochi: Kind of?
Meera: Yes. Yeah, I have a blog that’s called Meera is Evil so it’s like a joke. But I’m not giving you the URL because that would be pretty embarrassing.
Pip Sleazy: You have a blog called Mirror is Evil?
Meera: Yes.
Pip Sleazy: Why don’t you like mirrors?
Meera: I do like them. What? [laughs] I do introduce myself as “My name sounds like mirror” because people have a hard time remembering sometimes.
Pip Sleazy: Nice. So what do you think about Michael Jackson’s song about you, “Man in the Mirror”?
Clunt: Oh, is that song about you?
Meera: Probably. I don’t actually know that song…
Goochi: Do you know Michael Jackson?
Meera: No, I do not. I don’t actually know his music, I’m not gonna lie.
Clunt: So, where do you think you’d be without gravity?
Meera: Probably like at Mars or something, I don’t know.
Goochi: At Mars? Is that like a bar?
Meera: Um, no? I’m so confused right now.
Goochi: That’s okay. Describe yourself as an emoji or a series of emojis.
Meera: Purple devil smiley, like that wave emoji, and a money bag.
Clunt: Damn, you had that in your back pocket, ready to go.
Goochi: Could you interpret that for us?
Clunt: Well, Meera’s evil.
Goochi: Right, sorry.
Meera: The wave you kind of just go with the flow. The money bag is just…I like to sell stuff.
Goochi: You like to sell stuff?
Meera: Mhmm.
Goochi: All right. A villain who goes with the flow and sells stuff…
Meera: [Laughs]
Pip Sleazy: Aaron Carter.
Meera: What about him?
[silence]
Meera: He’s cool. He likes candy. I like candy.
Clunt: What’s the most heinous thing you’ve ever done?
Meera: Well I sold sandwiches last quarter in the library to raise money. Like they were McDonald's sandwiches, like McChicken sandwiches and I sold them in the library out of a Becks bag to raise money for this like fundraiser that we desperately needed money for but I couldn’t tell people what it was, so they thought it was just like me just like selling them for fun.
Goochi: That sounds evil. This is actually like the perfect depiction of evil face, wave emoji, money bag.
Meera: Oh my gosh.
Goochi: So you’re saying you went to McDonald's and bought sandwiches, and went to the library and sold them for a higher price than what you bought them for?
Meera: Mhmm.
Clunt: Let’s just keep in mind that the most heinous thing she’s ever done was for charity. Are you sure it wasn’t the bucket story?
Meera: No, nope that’s not a thing.
Goochi: It wasn’t a bucket, it’s unclear what the object was. Let’s not jump to conclusions here.
[laughter]
Goochi: Talk about your favorite Nickelback song and how it represents what you’ve learned throughout your life about adversity.
Meera: Okay so I kind of hate Nickelback.
Clunt: Kind of?
Meera: I like, okay I don’t despise him as much as a lot of people despise him, he’s like okay, kind of, except I hate him.
Goochi: So do you hate Nickelback or do you think he’s okay?
Meera: I hate him. But I was trying to be nice…
Clunt: Not so evil after all.
Meera: Didn’t the lead singer go to jail for a while?
Goochi: Did he?
Meera: I think he did.
Clunt: Probably for selling McDonald’s sandwiches in the library.
Meera: [Laughs]
Pip Sleazy: Did OJ do it?
Meera: Um, I think he did.
Clunt: Do you want to elaborate on that?
Meera: I think the evidence pointed toward him doing it. I didn’t really follow it very closely.
Goochi: What’s your life motto?
Meera: That’s a hard question…umm…
Clunt: She already told us. Devil smiley, wave emoji, money bag.
Meera: Yeah when stuff goes wrong, just pretend to be evil and sell stuff.
Pip Sleazy: What’s your favorite African nation?
Meera: Zimbabwe.
Pip Sleazy: Of course.
Clunt: In your opinion, is semen vegan?
Meera: No.
Clunt: Because it’s an animal byproduct?
Meera: Yes.
[Silence]
Meera: So who thinks up these questions?
Pip Sleazy: We have a little mole person in the back, who sits under a table all day, typing away.
Goochi: If you had to marry, screw, and kill someone on the homecoming court who would it be?
Meera: Um, I haven’t actually met most of them. I’d probably marry Peter because I know him. And I’d kill…I have no idea who I’d kill because…like...
Clunt: I’m just gonna stop you right there. We actually meant one person. As in marry them, screw them, and then subsequently kill them.
Meera: Oh perfect, then Peter.
Clunt: Great.
Goochi: Great. We’ll let him know.
Pip Sleazy: Where would you marry Peter?
Meera: Probably the fifth floor of Hinman, where we met.
Pip Sleazy: And how would you kill him?
Meera: By giving him too much food.
Pip Sleazy: Too many McSandwiches?
Meera: [Laughs]
Pip Sleazy: What’s your favorite color…
Meera: Black.
Pip Sleazy: …person?
Meera: Oh my gosh. Yeah um…I’m...I’m not going to-
Goochi: Looks like you already answered that one.
Meera: Oh my gosh.
Pip Sleazy: All right, we’re each going to ask one more question then I think we’ll be good.
Goochi: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
Meera: How I laugh at my own jokes.
Goochi: What’s your favorite thing about me?
Meera: Um, how you ask me those questions so matter of factly, and I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.
Pip Sleazy: She isn’t.
Meera: Good to know.
Clunt: Where’s your favorite place to take a shit on campus?
Meera: I’d probably do it at Tech because I just hate that building.
Pip Sleazy: Do you have any words of inspiration for anyone about to take on the tough year at Northwestern?
Meera: Just chill out about career fairs, they’re not actually that important.
Clunt: We actually have one more question because something came up. We just found on Northwestern Crushes that someone said, “I really want to get to know Meera Patel better, but she won’t give me a chance.”
Goochi: So, Meera, why? Why won’t you give him a chance?
Meera: Well, first of all I don’t know who that is.
Clunt: Wow, 19 people liked it. How do you feel about that?
Goochi: Were you one of them, Meera Patel?
Meera: Um, I don’t think so.
Clunt: Why didn’t you like it?
Goochi: Do you not like affection?
Meera: I mean I don’t know who posted that.
Clunt: Maybe she is evil. All right, well thank you for your t—
Goochi: Oh my god, she has another one!
Clunt: Oh my god! Meera!
Goochi: “I met you a few nights ago; I can’t get you out of my head…”
Meera: I am mortified right now
Goochi: “…you are hilarious, beautiful, and I really want to get to…” Meera, this person really wants to get to know you and you’re single! Meera!
Meera: Well, again, I don’t know who that is, so...
Goochi: And you made no effort to find out?
Pip Sleazy: Could be Peter.
Goochi: Could be Peter!
Meera: Oh my gosh.
Goochi: You guys could get married then you could feed him sandwiches to death!
[Silence]
Goochi: No? All right.
