Sherman Ave Interviews Homecoming Court: Emily Mannheimer

Sherman Ave Interviews Homecoming Court: Emily Mannheimer


EmilyMannheimer Last month, Sherman Ave sat down with all twelve members of this year’s Northwestern Homecoming Court, and had conversations about love, life, and bad decisions made at Cheesie’s.  All this week, we will be publishing these interviews in anticipation of voting for Homecoming King and Queen opening on the 11th of October.

In this installment, Sherman Ave editors Prince Giblets and Lady Keystone sat down with Emily Mannheimer, having a lively conversation about covering up murders, seven minutes in heaven and the rat tails that show up in Steak n Shake's food.


Prince Giblets: So Emily, I guess we’ll do the boring questions first: Where are you from originally?

Emily Mannheimer: I’m from Indianapolis.

Giblits: You know, Brannon Bowers, your fellow member of Homecoming Court, is also from Indianapolis.  Do you think you could kick his ass?

Emily: Like in a physical fight?

Giblets: Yes.  Clean rules, so no chairs and stuff like that.

Emily: I think that I probably could.  Our schools were rivals in high school, and I think that I would owe it to my alma mater to really throw down and defeat Brannon.

Lady Keystone: How would you defeat him?

Emily: [Pause] He’s kind of tall, so I think I would have to somehow use my relative shortness to my advantage.  I would have to like, I don’t know, crawl around [laughs].  I’m not really sure how I would make that work; but I think that would be the beginning of the plan.

Keystone: You’d be like a conniving elf, almost.

Emily: Thank you so much!  Took the words right out of my mouth.

Giblets: He has really strong thighs, though.

Emily: He has strong thighs…? Interesting.  Well, I’m a tour guide, so I have really strong calves, so I think that somehow I would be able to use my calves.

Keystone: From always walking backwards.

Emily: Exactly.  That’s why.

Keystone: So on Facebook, you like a page called “Humans of New York.”  That sounds pretty obscure.  Is it like a sci-fi thing?  Like are you into aliens?  It’s a lot like Men In Black, right?

Emily: It’s a lot like Men in Black.  It’s kind of an anthropological experiment where I’m seeing what humans are like in New York.  Being from the Midwest, I’m very unfamiliar with things that aren’t farmland.

Keystone: Are you a human?

Emily: I myself am a human, but I guess I’m not so familiar with the population in the city.

Keystone: Can we take your word on that?

Emily: I think that you’re going to have to!

Giblets: Emily, what’s your major?

Emily: I’m a Political Science and Gender Studies double major.

Giblets: And what are you involved in on campus?

Emily: I’m on Panhellenic Exec - I would say that’s probably my main involvement.  I’m also a tour guide, I’m in the pre-law fraternity, I’ve been involved in ASG - those are a couple.

Keystone: I noticed that you’re wearing a purple-and-white headband.  Would you say that you bleed purple?  Like, if we were to prick your finger, would purple come out?

Emily: Well I just admitted that I am a human, so like, you know, I would have to say I would bleed red.  But I think maybe there’s a chance I would bleed purple.

Giblets: I mean, if you bled purple, it would not be good.  Like medically...anyways, you said you were a tour guide - what’s the weirdest question that a parent has ever asked you on a tour?

Emily: Oh gosh, let me think…[long pause, laughs] Ok.  A dad the other day asked “what if your son is a late bloomer?”  And I said “I don’t really understand…” They’re like “well, you seem like you’ve really got it together; but what if your kid just really hasn’t?” And the kid was standing right there. [All laugh, especially Giblets]

Keystone: Oh no!

Emily: And the kid was like, “oh my god, dad…” And the dad was like “you know, just like hypothetically speaking…” And I was thinking, oh no, your child is so uncomfortable!  I’m sorry that he’s a late bloomer, I guess…

Keystone: Have you ever had the prospies hit on you?

Emily: I have been hit on.  I was dealing with a high school visiting group, so there were no parents; and I said to one of the kids “oh, really cool shirt!” And he’s like, “oh thanks.  Really cool shirt too...if you know what I mean.”  And I was like, “oh, um...thank you for complimenting my shirt.”

Keystone: So also on Facebook, we found that you like Steak 'n Shake.  How many mouse tails have you found in your food there?

Emily: There are not mouse tails in Steak 'n Shake food!  I refuse to believe that.

Giblets: Well, that’s what they say.  

Emily: I have never found as mouse tail in my food.  I don’t want to hear anything that you’re saying right now - I’m covering my ears!

Giblets: I mean, I never have either; but word on the street…

Keystone: I’m not saying that I ate a mouse tail, but I’m not gonna deny it, either.

Emily: Did you enjoy it?  Hypothetically?

Keystone: Yeah, I don’t talk about my personal life during interviews.

Giblets: We’re interviewing you.

Emily: [Laughs] Wow, ok!  Let me check myself.

Giblets: So as you’ve probably heard, Northwestern recently dropped in the U.S. News and World Report rankings.  Whose fault is it?

Emily: Certainly not the tour guides - we are definitely sellin’ it...The University every year, when they send us that email about how much better the incoming class is, I think that’s really detrimental to morale of the upper-classmen, so we just kind of give up - like, “oh, everyone’s smarter than us, they’re more accomplished, they’re way hotter…”

Keystone: Yeah, every year!

Emily: Every single year.  So I feel like that’s having actually the opposite effect of what they’re hoping, and we’re like, kind of just giving up.

Giblets: It’s such a back-handed compliment, too.

Emily: “You used to be the best, now you’re not.”

Keystone: It’s like the parents who keep trying for a better kid, you know?  And I thought that coming here that the whole “Northwestern hot” thing would be to my advantage…I thought that this was a nerd school.  Anyways, where’s your favorite place to take a shit on campus?

Emily: Well, I feel like a lady would never answer a question like that…

Keystone: Do girls poop?

Giblets: No.

Emily: I’ve heard no.  Definitely not.

Giblets: Great.  Let’s move on.  

Keystone: How do you feel about people claiming that you’re sleeping your way to the top of the Homecoming Court?  We’ve heard that you’re in a relationship of sorts with your fellow Homecoming Court nominee Ben Terdich.

Emily: I will confirm that he and I are in a romantic relationship, I guess!  I don’t know if sleeping with him would have necessarily gotten me onto the Court…

Giblets: But it certainly is convenient, though.

Keystone: So if you win queen, and some other guy wins king, how is he going to defend your honor?  Because queen and king get married, right?  So he’s going to have to slay them or something.

Emily: I think that you’re right...Well, I will have already taken Brannon down, so that will have been taken care of.  So there are only, like, four more guys that Ben would have to defeat.

Keystone: Does he have the strength to do it?

Emily: He’s really nice.  He might like let them...ok no, Ben probably wouldn’t let them win.  But if my honor was at stake, I feel like he would think of something [laughs].

Giblets: So what do they do with the king and queen?  Is it like a “Seven Minutes in Heaven” thing where they like put you in a room…

Emily: That’s what I’m hoping for.  Other than that I don’t know; I would just get to make announcements to the student body.  Like, “this is your queen speaking.”  People would have to heed my word.

Giblets: 17 times 23?

Emily: Oh gosh...I don’t think I’m gonna be able to do that quickly enough!

Keystone: You realize that you cannot ascend to the throne without answering this math question, right?

Emily: Can I use a calculator?

Keystone: No.

Emily: Ok, I’ll try to do it in my head…[long pause] Is it--

Keystone: You also get kicked out of Northwestern if you don’t answer it.

Giblets: Lots riding on this interview.

Emily: There is a lot riding on this!  Um…

Keystone: [Whispering] 391.

Emily: It’s 391?

Giblets: Yeah, it is.  

Emily: Wow, thank god! [Laughs] Would’ve been embarrassing - I would have had to drop out of Northwestern.

Keystone: So, would you rather have absolutely no hair anywhere on your body, or have a light dusting of peach fuzz hair all over your body?

Emily: [Pause] Does that include hair on your head?

Giblets: No hair at all, or just like a small, thin, dusting of hair.

Emily: I would rather have no hair on my body.

Keystone: Yeah, me too.

Giblets: That’s the right answer.

Emily: The other option is just, like, really weird. It’s kind of like no hair, but it’s just grosser.

Keystone: Who did you kill? And why?

Emily: [Pause] Um...that’s a really loaded question.  I don’t think I killed anyone…

Giblets: Are you sure?  Was it about the bag?

Emily: [Pause] What? [Laughs uncomfortably]

Keystone: I would like to draw your attention to a Facebook status - March 15th 2009…

Emily: 2009?!

Keystone: ...in which you wrote: “Perfect week, only now I have to kill someone.”

Giblets: So I don’t know if you followed through with it…

Keystone: Who did you kill?  Do you not remember this?

Emily: What went so well that day…?

Keystone: I would then like to draw your attention to an earlier Facebook status, September 4th, 2008, in which you wrote: “I swear, if she doesn’t send me that bag…” Dot.  Dot.  Dot.

Emily: Wow.  Ok, so I see what you’re saying is that I may have eventually then killed the girl who didn’t send me the bag.

Keystone: Yeah.  So is this a cover up?

Emily: Yeah...am I doing well?  I come from a violent past.

Keystone: How can we expect you to rule with dignity when you’ve already killed someone. For a bag? And confessed to the crime on Facebook?

Emily: Honestly, I don’t know if you can have very high expectations for me at this point. I also just got my dad’s birthday wrong, so…

Keystone: Why should you become Homecoming Queen?

Emily: Well, I really love Northwestern. I feel like I’ve been really involved and tried to give back to Northwestern while I was here. I guess I would appreciate feeling like Northwestern liked me back.

Keystone: I know what it’s like to feel like Northwestern doesn’t love you back.

Emily: It’s hard.

Giblets: What would you say you really love about Northwestern?

Emily: I really love that all the time I meet people that are crazy passionate about things that I’ve never heard of. Like, I think it’s awesome how into things people are and then I found out it’s like clubs with purposes that I literally never could have imagined. Which is really cool because I think there are so many diverse interests here.

Keystone: Who’s your favorite queen, fictional or nonficitional?

Emily: Catherine the Great.

Keystone: You in with dem Bolsheviks, is that what you sayin’?

Emily: Yea, I’m gonna bring communism to Northwestern if elected queen.

Giblets: Can we quote you on that?

Keystone: You can’t have…

Emily: Communism and a queen?

Keystone: I mean you would be dictator, I think. So you’re running for Homecoming Dictator.

Emily: Emily Mannheimer for Homecoming Dictator. [Laugh] Yeah, you got it.

Giblets: We’re getting some good dirt in this interview.

Keystone: Oooo yea.

Giblets: What would the coolest kid in your high school, Craig Malone...

Emily: Craig Malone?

Giblets: ...think of you now? And is there anything you would like to say to him?

Emily: I have no idea who Craig Malone is.

Giblets: Ya know. Craig.

Emily: OH. Craig. Craig, thank you, for giving me the knowledge, I guess, of what it is to be on top.

Giblets: [Laughs] Nice.

Emily: [Laughs] Oh God. I can strive to bring that to Northwestern. So. I would thank Craig.

Giblets: Craig sucks.

Emily: I have no idea who that is.

Giblets: He’s a dick. Uh, can you describe yourself as an emoji, or a series of emojis?

Emily: Hundred percent.

Giblets: But describe the emojis with words, so it sounds like you’re saying a really poorly-constructed sentence.

Emily: Okay. The emojis I would be are: brown-haired girl sticking her hand out like this. [mimics brown-haired girl sticking her hand out]

Giblets: Everyone has said that.

Emily: Like there should be a serving plate on it but she’s just like, whatever. So that one, and I’d be the double exclamation points ‘cause I think I like my life with double explanation points. Exclamation points. And then my last one would be the crown. ‘Cause I’m running for Homecoming Dictator.

Keystone: So what’s your favorite Sherman Ave article or feature?

Emily: So my favorite one–

Keystone: And you better say the right one.

Giblets: No pressure.

Emily: [Laughs] My favorite one, I don’t remember what it was called, [editor's note: it's called An Average Day In A Northwestern Student's Hell] but it was during the winter. It was like the thought process everyone’s going through as they’re walking to class and it was like, ‘Waits for the Frostbite Shuttle. The shuttle does not come. The shuttle does not exist.’ It really resonated with me. That the shuttle did not exist.

Keystone: How would you kill someone in the Hunger Games?

Emily: Oh wow.

Keystone: It’s relevant. Because you’ve already killed someone.

Emily: So there’s been a lot of like, ‘how would you battle this person?’ ‘how would Ben kill this person for you?’

Keystone: We want to see if you have a killer instinct.

Giblets: Well apparently you killed someone about a bag.

Emily: So basically it takes very little to set me off, is what you’ve learned. During the Hunger Games, I would have to undergo a lot of training, because I talk a lot so I think I would give myself away by my volume. So that would be my main focus in my training, I think I would maybe try to entice them to be friends and then poison them.

Giblets: That’s crafty. That’s cool.

Emily: Thank you.

Giblets: What do you get at Cheesie’s besides indigestion and regret?

Emily: On my 21st birthday I went to Cheesie’s after I’d gone to all the bars and I wanted to come in and just have french fries. On Cheesie’s, if it’s your 21st birthday, they give you a free shot. But I was really, really, not interested in the free shot. I wanted french fries. And so I walked into the Cheesie’s kitchen to try to get them to give me free french fries. And they were like, ‘Ma'am, you need to leave.’  And I was on the phone and my friends still say they heard me say, ‘I’m just trying to get some french fries–OH MY GOD I’M LEAVING! I’M LEAVING!’ So I got thrown out of Cheesie’s on my 21st birthday just for some french fries.

Giblets: That is so. Cool.

Emily: [Laughs] Thank you.

Keystone: Who is your sexiest cousin?

Emily: [Laughs] My sexiest  cousin? Wow. Um, my cousin Sarah is pretty sexy. She’s like a kayak instructor and she married her fellow kayak instructor and they got married on the beach and I feel like they live in the woods. That’s not a life that I would necessarily want for myself, but I think it’s kind of like...a movie would be made about them.

Keystone: Ahh, that’s kinda cute.

Giblets: That’s cute. So, how does potato salad get away with calling itself a salad?

Emily: You know. Who am I to tell potato salad what it is? I just told you guys I was going to declare myself queen of a communist state.

Giblets: Which we’re going to quote you on.

Emily: Great, thank you. I did say it, so it’s true. But I feel like I should let potato salad be what it wants to be.

Keystone: If you had to fuck, marry, kill someone on Homecoming Court, who would it be?

Emily: I would marry Brannon, because he’s also from Indianapolis and I think my mom would be really happy if I married someone from Indianapolis and then I came home and Brannon and I had our Indianapolis homecoming family. It would be a homecoming, of some sort.

Giblets: HA!

Emily: [Laughs] I’m so clever. I guess...my parents are going to read this and I...would fuck Ben, I guess. [laughs]

Giblets: Good answer.

Emily: Thank you.

Keystone: I think we’d be worried if that wasn’t the answer.

Emily: [Laughs] I’m using this as my opportunity to–

Keystone: Break up!

Emily: –Let my imagination run wild. [laughs] Um, yea. Okay so. I stand strong in my answer. And I would say that like the biggest competition I have is probably Julia but I don’t want to live in a world where Julia Watson does not exist, so like I would be so remorseful in my killing of Julia Watson.

Giblets: But you’d do it.

Emily: I would have to, I guess.

Keystone: But, I’m sorry I think you misunderstood the question. We meant like one person. Like you marry them and then you screw them and then you kill them.

Emily: [Laughs] Ahh!

Giblets: Yea, we ask the tough questions here at Sherman Ave.

[Lady Keystone and Prince Giblets high five]

Emily: Let the record show that they just high-fived!

Giblets: We’ll note that.

Emily: Okay, so one person. I feel like at a point I have probably wanted to do all three to Mr. Ben Terdich.

Keystone: The boyfriennnnnd!

Giblets: Again, the right answer.

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