Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Interviews: Malik Dent

Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Interviews: Malik Dent


IMG_3528 In the past two weeks Sherman Ave has interviewed the 12 members of Northwestern’s 2015 Homecoming Court to have them reflect on their Northwestern experience, their roots, the band The Roots, and the movie Taken, among other things.

In our second installment of the year Smangston Hughes, Clint Taurus, and Walter Klondike™ talk to Malik Dent about high school, Suge Knight, and more about Suge Knight.

Walter Klondike™: Can you tell us a little about yourself?

Malik Dent: I’m from Chicago. The Hyde Park area, so I don’t live too far from UChicago. I’m HDPS in SESP and on a Pre-Med route.

WK: What kind of things are you involved with on campus?

MD: Well senior year, I’m kind of taking it easy. I’m still apart of my fraternity, Alpha Phi Alpha, INC., and I had an exec position on For Members Only. I was a PA my sophomore year. This year, I’m just going to do my fraternity and start applying for medical school

WK: Do you have a best PA story?

MD: I didn’t make my kids do anything. They all liked me. I didn’t want to do mandatory breakfast-

Clint Taurus: You didn’t want to force feed them like foie gras.

MD: Well yeah, I didn’t want to get up early, and they didn’t want to get up early.

WK: That’s how it should work.

Smangston Hughes: What are you most excited for about homecoming?

MD: My fraternity has a scholarship ball on homecoming so I’m excited for that. Other than that, I’m hoping we beat Iowa.

WK: Are you familiar with the movie Taken?

MD: No, I don’t really watch movies.

WK: [Explains the basic plot of Taken] So who on homecoming court would you want to save you, if you were taken?

MD: Probably Alex Bobbitt because I knew her since before Northwestern.

WK: She has your back.

MD: I hope so!

CT: Can you describe the high school we both attended, UIC College Prep, in three words?

MD: Strict...Can I just say strict three times?

CT: Unfair.

MD: Yeah.

CT: Not fun.

WK: Imagine I’m Morty and you had 10 seconds to make me cry. What would you say.

MD: Morty has doesn’t anything to me. I guess I can say, Morty I will transfer if you’re still the president.

CT: Ah, give him an ultimatum.

WK: He probably really cares.

CT: You won a Campus Life award, so your face is on a wall at Norris. Do you kiss that picture on the lips every time you walk past it?

MD: No, no, no. I do look at myself. I do take selfies.

SH: Do you ever talk to the picture?

MD: I should.

WK: What’s your favorite conspiracy theory?

MD: (very quickly) Tupac is not dead.

WK: Yeah? Do you have a theory behind how that went down?

MD: (sigh) Sigh. Well, I don’t know, I think it was just like a lookalike or something...I don’t think anyone actually died, just because...Biggie is dead; when Biggie died it was an open casket, but like Tupac didn’t have that and it was just kinda sketchy to me. I just don’t feel like he’s dead. And then there’s always like a new Tupac song coming out.

CT: Maybe it’s like a money thing so that he’ll have a lot of albums sold?

MD: Yeah

WK: They talked about doing a Straight Outta Compton sequel going into Suge Knight and Death Row, so maybe they’ll talk about arranging Biggie’s death.

CT: Yeah, just like a slander piece on Suge Knight?

MD: Ok, if Tupac is dead then Suge Knight definitely killed him.

CT: Oh, absolutely. Did you see that thing where Eazy-E’s son said that Suge Knight poisoned Eazy-E with AIDS blood?

MD: Oh, oh wow.

WK: There’s a Jimmy Kimmel interview where Suge Knight says, “Yeah, you don’t shoot people anymore. You just hit them with an AIDS needle so no one traces it to you.”

MD: Yeah, yeah he’s the Devil.

CT: One thing we can take away from this interview is that Suge Knight is the Devil. (Pause) I would like to interview Suge Knight if he’s out there.

MD: Be careful.

WK: He’s in jail, right?

CT: Oh yeah, because he killed that person with his car?

MD: Yeah, exactly! You can’t just hit people with a car.

SH: As Homecoming King how would you “Make America Great Again,” in the words of Donald Trump?

MD: Umm…how would I make America great? I’d let everyone wear the crown. Like I’ll just pass the crown around to every student at Northwestern to wear the crown.

CT: Like where every person on the team gets the Stanley Cup.

MD: Exactly, I’ll just pass the crown around.

SH: Does your experience as Mr. Bobb as a freshman give you an advantage in the race?

MD: (Laughing) I hope so, I learned the [royal] wave and I was on Sheridan in a parade. So I think so.

CT: So you were roommates with Smangston freshman year.

MD: I was.

CT: What are your 3 favorite things besides Smangston’s smile about him?

MD: (Pause) He was entertaining. (To Smangston) But you were entertaining just because I felt like you were laughing at me just doing like nothing. Like, I would come in the room and he would just be like laughing and [Smangston’s friend] and a lot of other people from the floor would just come in the room and be laughing. And you always told me they would ask “What’d Malik do today,” and it was like “Nothing, Malik went to sleep,” and they thought that was funny. So that was fun.

CT: Yeah, so Smangston is a bully.

MD: Yeah, he’s definitely a bully. So I’m just gonna say one good thing about him.

WK: What are your top 3 cereals?

MD: Oh, ok. Cocoa Pebbles; I love Cocoa Pebbles. Fruit Loops, and...Frosted Flakes.

WK: Frosted Flakes, solid choice. I’m not a big fan of the fruit cereals.

CT: Yeah, me neither. I do like Fruity Pebbles.

SH: What are the ones that used to be shaped in the little fruit shapes but now are not?

CT: Trix.

SH: Trix!

MD: Trix.

WK: As a follow up, who are your top 3 serial killers?

CT: Smangston.

MD: (Laughing) Yeah, can I just say Smangston?

WK: He hasn’t been caught yet though.

MD: We can make that happen.

WK: We can rat him out. So you said you’re a premed. What do you think is the best disease?

MD: Ooh, the best? I don’t think there is one.

WK: Do you have a personal favorite?

MD: No, I try to stay clear of those. Umm, yeah I don’t like diseases.

WK: Have you heard of bug chasers?

MD: I have not.

WK: It’s these people that have a sexual fetish around getting AIDS.

MD: Oh shit.

SH: Can you define the phrase “Northwestern Hot”?

MD: Oh, ok well I feel like that’s just because obviously everyone at Northwestern, except for the really rich people whose parents were able to just donate money and get them in, most of us are really smart. And a lot of times the smartest people are necessarily the most attractive…

CT: Speak for yourself.

MD: (Laughs) And when you have a group of really smart people at a university, everything just becomes really relative..

SH: Would you consider yourself “Northwestern Hot”?

MD: I think so, yeah. Everyone should think that they’re hot.

SH: Except for Walter.

CT: He has too much confidence. We gotta knock him down a peg. (Pause) So, do you have a secret talent?

MD: Yeah, I can cook really well.

CT: Really? What’s the best dish you can make?

MD: Mac ‘n’ cheese. Like a baked mac ‘n’ cheese.

CT: With a breading over it…

MD: I don’t add breading.

SH: What’s your favorite freshman year memory?

MD: I would say living in Bobb with you. That was a fun time. Living on the first floor of Bobb, you never knew what was gonna happen.

SH: In the cockpit!

MD: That was intense.

SH: What was your favorite freshman year memory of high school?

CT: Probably LaSalle.

MD: Yeah at my high school, they would torture us and make us go to something called LaSalle, which was like a detention if you, like, didn’t do your homework. But sometimes, you could literally skip like one problem- if you didn’t understand a problem.

CT: Yeah if they called it an incomplete, they would give you a LaSalle. And a lot of times, if the teacher didn’t like you or if you didn’t do something up to their satisfaction—

WK: That’s bullshit.

MD: Yeah I didn’t fuck with that.

CT: I hated that school. I did not enjoy it.

MD: Yeah. They’re coming up here soon.

WK: Who is your dream Dillo artist?

MD: Kanye West.

WK: That would be sick.

MD: Yeah I know it wouldn’t happen but definitely Kanye West.

CT: What about more like---

WK: What about people who died?

CT: Obviously Kanye is up there for most people… What about like Michael Jackson?

WK: That would be the most fun—

MD: Yeah Michael Jackson or Tupac.

CT: We could make Biggie resurrect.

MD: That would be tight.

WK: That would be an issue because people would be at the stages as early as possible and not even drink off campus. Because who is gonna accidentally miss that?

MD: Exactly, exactly. I think if it were a hologram of Tupac, that would be cool.

WK: It probably doesn’t cost that much.

CT: Maybe as much as like a known headliner.

WK: He doesn’t have to be a headliner. He could be in the afternoon slot.

CT: The worst use of Tupac.

SH: Ok so we are gonna play a round of fuck, marry, and brutally stab to death with a rusty fork, using the other members of the homecoming court.

MD: Ohhh no. Nope. Not answering that.

SH: Soooo….

CT: What was your song of the summer?

MD: I was actually in Uganda this summer so—

SH: What were you doing there?

MD: I did GESI.

WK: Oh cool.

MD: So song of the summer… Yeah, I don’t know. I was away so I didn’t pay attention to any songs this summer.

CT: It doesn’t need to be a new song. Is there a song you listened to a lot?

MD: Let me check my phone so I can give you an honest answer.

(checks phone)

MD: Mostly anything Drake released this summer. I definitely take Drake over Meek Mill. Even though that’s fake.

CT: Who or what is your archenemy?

MD: The system.

CT: I was hoping you were gonna say Smangston.

MD: It is Smangston! Smangston and then the system.

CT: Smangston is the system!

MD: Yeah he actually is. You are.

WK: Can you start a twitter feud with the system? You should try it.

MD: You could do it. You’d be surprised.

WK: Tweet at Obama or something.

SH: In your bio on the homecoming page, it says that you’re really looking forward to graduating. Why do you hate Northwestern?

MD: I don’t hate Northwestern! I really don’t hate Northwestern. I’m just ready to graduate. I just want to start medical school. I feel like because I have an idea of what I want to do.

CT: Yeah you just can’t wait to-- graduate.

MD: Exactly.

CT: Are you familiar with Facebook sticker packs?

MD: Where you can send stickers?

WK: Like the picture comments.

CT: The picture comments!

MD: Is that different from—

CT: No one else knows about these.

MD: Wait, can you have like the Power Ranger ones?


MD: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you’re talking about.

WK: Which of those categories best defines your personality?

MD: It has to be Power Rangers.

CT: Those are good ones. I like those a lot.

WK: Mine is the business fish.

MD: I think I’ve seen those.

WK: They’re great. In any situation!

CT: Like Hello Kitty. She does whatever she wants to do. She’s like in a lab in one. Or on a scooter. She cries in one.

SH: How far would you go with a Muppet?

MD: With a Muppet? I would go on a date with a Muppet.

CT: Which one?

MD: Is Miss Piggy a Muppet?

SH: Yeah.

MD: I would say her.

SH & CT: She’s single now!!!

MD: Yeah, yeah. I’ve seen that actually. So weird.

WK: Something about me was more into her when she was with Kermit.

CT: Mr. Steal Yo Girl.

WK: Exactly it.

CT: She needed to get out of that relationship. Kermit is such a fuckboy.

WK: I do like Miss Piggy though. A lot.

CT: I’m more of a Gonzo guy.

WK: What advice would you give to this year’s freshmen?

MD: Oh my god. Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever send something through your Northwestern email that can jeopardize--- I don’t know. Like that party list. Just be careful. Have a private email. Be smart.

CT: Don’t be silly.

MD: Don’t be silly.

WK: That’s the tagline: Don’t be silly.


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