Sherman Ave Endorses Shao and Stewart for ASG
Some may find it unethical for an established and renowned publication like the New York Times or Sherman Ave to endorse a political candidate. Fortunately, anyone with the slightest regard for “ethics,” whatever that word means, has probably flagged our blog quicker than Rush Limbaugh flagged moveon.org. Thus, without further ado, we present our official endorsement of Victor Shao and Bradley Stewart for Northwestern Associated Student Government.
Why do we support Shao and Stewart? For starters, they are both just downright awesome dudes. We see these guys walking around campus, dressed nicely (Victor’s purple tie is especially stunning) and forging strong relationships with every Northwestern student who happens to be walking by the Arch, and we see leadership. There can be no doubt that Shao (a junior, double-majoring in Economics and Patriotism) and Stewart (a junior, double-majoring in Uniting Student Bodies and Upstanding Gentlemanliness, also pursuing BIP) are the right choices for Northwestern ASG.
Another admirable aspect of the Shao/Stewart power campaign is their interest in the student body. No matter where we are on campus, they are telling us to Express Ourselves, whereas other candidates, like Tully/Jones, simply remind us that “It’s Time,” which is honestly just terrifying. Are they plotting a murder? Seriously, it’s time for what?
It’s time for Shao/Stewart to win this election.
It’s as if the finest qualities of every U.S. Presidential Candidate were combined into two amicable guys who simply give a damn about Northwestern. Take Lincoln’s humble beginnings (Bradley Stewart was, after all, raised by wolves in a stable in the Smoky Mountains), Teddy Roosevelt’s all-around badass status (Victor Shao is reputed to have once skied down double-blacks while intensely discussing macroeconomics with George Soros and also playing the solo violin part in Bach’s Violin Concerto #2), and Jimmy Carter’s unnecessary but still exhaustive knowledge of peanut farming (you can probably guess how Bradley Stewart spent the summer after his junior year of high school), and you only begin to understand how terrific these two fellows are. It seems the only missing part is Martin van Buren’s wondrous facial hair, but to be honest, Stewart could pull it off.
We could go on and on about these two, but that’s not necessary. The writing’s on the wall. Vote for Shao and Stewart, or live the rest of your life in abject regret.