I hiked in the cold to my building from TechI finally finished my long-as-hell trek. I climbed tons of stairs way up to the fifth floor And to my surprise a tie hung on my door.

“Oh, shitfuck!” I heard myself angrily speak. My roommate did this almost three times a week! And worse still the walls were indeed paper-thin, So I could hear all of the loud, clapping skin!

I sat there in thought while I was forced to hear From the room gross noises flowing to my ear. “Oh, how can my roommate keep finding,” I thought, “A new girl each time meanwhile I can find naught?”

My day had been long, I was hungry and sad. I wanted a nap and some food really bad. I started to cry, it was too much to bear, I pounded my fists and I ripped out my hair.

I sat in a puddle of my tears and hair, When, all of a sudden, as if from thin air, I saw a granola bar, Nutri-Grain® brand, Fly out from above me, a sight truly grand.

“Th-Thank you!” I said as I unwrapped the bar I took one bite, then two, then three, and then more. “You’re welcome,” I heard a voice boom from above. I thought I heard Jesus or something thereof.

My roommate and some lassie ruined bedsprings While Jesus and I spoke ‘bout lots of cool things. Religion and morals and politics, too, And that, everybody, is why I joined CRU.

Let this serve as a message to folks near and far, If hungry and desp’rate and sexiled you are. Just pray to J.C. and you’ll make a new friend, Or else I’ll come knock on your door to no end.

The Best and Worst Topical Costumes of Halloween 2013

11 Things Only 1790s Kids Will Understand