Report: Off-Campus Halloween Party Serves Only Raisins
This weekend, gaggles of freshmen dressed in their raunchiest and spookiest costumes and hit the streets looking for fun and fright. However, some were dismayed when they arrived at a party located on Garnett that wasn’t serving what they had in mind.
“There were just bowls of miniature boxes of raisins on every table,” said freshman James Qu, who arrived at the party in good spirits but left disheartened and full of fiber. “I thought there would be beer pong, or at least, you know, normal candy.”
Students were confused, searching through their Class of 2019 Facebook group to figure out what was going on. “I don’t know where we went wrong,” stated freshman Jamie Bordello, with a mouth full of raisins, “My friends told me that they give out king size bars on Garnett. I’m just trying to get drunk for free.”
While other parties served vodka gummy bears and sour apple jello shots, the raisin party held steadfast to their menu of dried fruit. Though they could not be reached for comment, partygoers reported that they were still giving out only raisins at 1:30 am. Though Qu and Bordello were shocked and horrified by the healthy snacks, both students agreed that they were glad they chose raisins over getting their fake IDs taken at a shitty bar.