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Professor Successfully Uses Projector

Evanston, IL - In an act that can only be described as "miraculous," an anonymous professor from Northwestern University managed to successfully turn on and use a projector this morning. The professor, wishing to remain anonymous to avoid making other professors jealous, was immediately rewarded with a standing ovation from the 120-student lecture, and is currently trending on Twitter.

"It was truly one of the most beautiful and memorable moments of my entire life," recalled a sophomore who witnessed the magical event.  "My parents always told me that college would be full of life-changing and eye-opening experiences, but I never thought I'd see something this inspirational."

Northwestern University President Morton Schapiro added a few words as well.  "I thank this professor for serving as an example of the excellence and greatness to which we hold ourselves at this elite institution.  For staff and students, it is always an honor to work with professors who have won Nobel prizes, cured diseases, and successfully operated projectors."

President Schapiro added that he hopes the actions of this professor will motivate an improved performance from "that goddamn Asian Calculus TA who couldn't even help anyone figure out how to find a goddamn derivative."

 

 

A Thorough and 100% Factually* Accurate Summary of Last Night’s Debate

#GetFuckedIU