Pro/Con: Skipping Class
- It’s faster than walking and generally puts you in a better mood, even if it looks goofy…oh, wait I read that headline wrong.
- It provides more time to work on your screenplay, which you realize is cliché to have as a side project, but it’s something you’re really passionate about. Hell, why are you majoring in mechanical engineering?! You only get one life; spend it on something you love, right? That’s it, you’ve decided: you’re switching to RTVF!
- It lets you browse the internet from the comfort of your dorm room, rather than having to do it in a noisy and crowded lecture hall.
- You get to shoot the shit with all the other badasses who ditched while you guys smoke cigs in the bathroom.
- Class is exactly where they’ll expect you to be. You botched the Bolivia job, and now they’re coming for you. Keep your head down, listen to my instructions and you just might get out of this. Ok, there’s a man in a green hoodie and blue Skechers at your 8 o’clock—he’s been following you for the past couple of blocks. I need you to take a right and get into the Tech lobby, quickly. Make your way into the middle of the crowd. Alright, tie your shoes in 3…2…1…now. Good, he’s lost visual on you. Now, on my mark I need you to sprint to the northeast exit and head for the lake. Ready? GO! GO! There are two agents in a black unmarked SUV closing in on your location, so you’ll have to move fast. Get to north beach as quickly as possible. I have an associate waiting there for the rendezvous. Take the scuba gear he gives you and swim out to the coordinates 42°03'46.9"N 87°39'22.1"W. You’ll find a Russian stealth submarine sitting at a depth of 50 meters waiting for you there with further instructions. This is our final communication. Good luck.
- You don’t have Justin to fucking deal with.
- You know what I’ve never seen in a lecture hall? Crocodiles. You know what I’ve seen outside of lecture halls? Crocodiles. Can’t hurt to play it safe.
- If you go to class there are way more opportunities to chicken out of asking that cute girl you’re kinda friends with on a date.
- If you calculate it, you’re paying upwards of $100 per class period. Unless you consider that $100 to be NU social dues, in which case that’s money well spent bro!
- There’s probably not that many steps between skipping class for the first time and deciding to experiment with heroin.
- Wait, fuck, there’s a participation grade?!
- Hanging out on the Lakefill increases your risk of being attacked by Lake Michigan Robosharks® by 700%.
- God damn it, young man! Your mother and I have worked our butts off for the past 18 years to give you the kinds of opportunities that we never had, and I’ll be damned if we’ll watch you squander that on boozing and toking on doobies or whatever you kids call it!
- Justin might text you to see why you weren’t in class.