Point/Counterpoint: Will Northwestern make the Rose Bowl?
by Evander Jones
As much as it pains me to say it, I don’t think that the good old Cardiac ‘Cats have a Nebraskan hail mary’s chance of making The Grandaddady of Them All. Unfortunately, there are more impediments blocking Northwestern from making the Rose Bowl than there are ways for NU to lose a game, but these three sticking points immediately jump out to me as reasons Northwestern doesn’t have a chance to make this New Year’s Tournament of Roses:
1. Northwestern is not bowl eligible. NCAA rules clearly stipulate that a Division I FBS-level football team must have a minimum non-losing, or .500, record to qualify for selection to participate in a post-season bowl game. I see Northwestern’s 5-7 record (1-7 in B1G play) as a nearly insurmountable obstacle for this Wildcat squad. Unless Fitz and company are able to construct a time machine in order to go back in time and learn how to protect a lead with 5-seconds remaining, failing to garner the requisite 6th win is going to be a major disadvantage for Northwestern’s Rose Bowl odds.
2. Northwestern is not playing in the Big Ten Championship, whose winner receives an automatic berth in the Rose Bowl Game. Instead, two competent football teams capable of beating Michigan will compete for the Stagg Championship Trophy in Indianapolis. Not only is Northwestern not playing in the B1G Championship, there are four other teams in Northwestern’s division more qualified to play in the game. Failing to win the Leader’s Division for a chance to compete for the B1G Champion’s automatic trip to Pasadena may be one hurdle too many for this rugged Northwestern team.
3. Northwestern does not have the BCS ranking for an at-large bid to the Rose Bowl. Returning once more to the NCAA’s legal shadows upholding a heinously corrupt enterprise rule book, after all automatic berths have been granted, the remaining “at-large” berths are filled from a pool of teams who are ranked in the top 14 of the BCS final season rankings (or top 18 if fewer than 10 teams are eligible for selection) and have at least nine regular-season wins. Disregarding Northwestern failing to compete for an automatic berth and falling just four Northwesternings short of the 9-win mark, NU’s BCS ranking is more than its average student’s ACT score away from the rankings of such renowned programs as Northern Illinois University and University of Central Florida. Considering Northwestern’s signature win came against a football team that chooses to name itself the Black Bears, their low ranking seems like a major stumbling block to Northwestern’s Rose Bowl hopes.
by BCS Computer
trans. by Clint Taurus
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0110111, 01110101010111000001. 011101101000001110101010101010111001110. 100000001111011101101010100101101010101010110000000101011101101, 101010000101010101010001110011111111111110."
Greetings, puny humans. It is I: The BCS Computer. The Northwestern Wildcats will make the Rose Bowl this season despite what can only be described a cataclysmic series of awkward movements known in the Midwest as Big-10 football. You may ask, “Why, BCS Computer, will this poor excuse for an assembly of humans make one of college football's most prestigious fixtures?”
My answer is simply because I am getting laid off. I only have one more year of fucking things up before they kick me out of this shit and get a playoff.
I used to think that making sure there wasn’t a consensus national championship was the most fun I could possibly have. Turns out I was wrong. Putting a team that has no reason to play in a BCS bowl in the Rose Bowl is going to be a hoot. I’ve done shit like this before, and it’s a blast. Remember when Northern Illinois went to the Orange Bowl? That was me just being a dick.
So yeah, I’m going to let Northwestern play in the Rose Bowl. It will be a much-needed boost to that repeatedly oppressed student body. But if you think NU going to Pasadena makes no sense, wait to you see Herbstreit’s face when Ohio State is playing in the Meineke Car Care Bowl.