Just as a Friday afternoon “Intro to Shakespeare” class was about to end, Professor Howard Schumacher half-heartedly asked if anyone had any other comments. Professor Schumacher, not actually expecting anyone to raise their hand since there had been only about a thousand opportunities to do so throughout the 120-minute lecture, and assuming everyone wanted to leave on time so they could go enjoy their weekends, was shocked when a brave, lone hand shot up.
“I’d like to make a comment,” Caroline Anderson, a SESP junior, proudly declared to the ecstatic groans of her classmates. Although normally Anderson’s behavior would violate the tacit understanding that it’s a dick move to raise your hand if class is about to let out, Anderson has always been exempt from the rules of participation due to the high caliber of her comments, which often involve over-sharing details of her personal life.
As Anderson’s classmate Weinberg sophomore Ben Thomas said, “I know we’re graded on how many times we speak in class, but I love that [Anderson] tries to answer every damn question, taking opportunities to earn points away from the rest of us. Her analysis of why she named her dog after Romeo changed my entire way of thinking about Shakespeare.” Thomas said the moment that he realized that Anderson’s input so vital was on the first day of class when she asked a question that definitely could not have been figured out had she taken one look at the goddamn syllabus.
When Anderson finally finished her comment by sharing a dream she had the previous night and then loosely relating it to the course, going five minutes past the end of the period, the entire class broke into applause and demanded an encore. Sophomore Tessa Marks, who had already packed up her books before Anderson began speaking in anticipation of sprinting all the way across campus for her next class, was especially thrilled that Anderson just fucking had to raise her hand to share her perceptive remark, and didn’t even mind being late for a midterm. Professor Schumacher then stooped before Anderson in a low bow and declared that he was not worthy of such a student and had nothing left to teach her. He insisted that Anderson never come back to his class again. Ever.