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Organization Really Just Looking for Qualified, Driven, Hot People

Organization Really Just Looking for Qualified, Driven, Hot People

In a shocking new member recruitment campaign, a student organization admitted it’s really just looking for qualified, driven, hot people.

In their brightly colored promotional cover photo, Operation Windchime, an organization that provides windchimes to freshman, told the student body they were looking for someone with “the skills and jawline we need”. In the google form application, they emphasized that a perfect candidate for their club would have passion, experience, dedication, and a tight ass.

In a response to criticism they added, “We recognize that everyone wants to find their place on campus, but not everyone can have piercing blue eyes. When pouring through our hundreds of applications, we ask each other, ‘would you hit that?’”

“Jenna had the brains, but not the right blonde that we needed to fill our roster,” the president of Operation Windchime said. As she looked out the Norris windows, she added wistfully, “Oh, and poor Max… if only he had been over 6 feet.”

Yesterday, in an effort to increase transparency and to address the competitive nature of many Northwestern organizations, the Office of Campus Life has released a statement that all university sanctioned organizations will now require a full body photograph attached to the application.

Sherman Ave’s Guide to The Best Humanities Classes: Winter 2018

Sherman Ave’s Guide to The Best Humanities Classes: Winter 2018

Attached: Your Searle Application Status

Attached: Your Searle Application Status