NU College Republicans: "This is a Huge Relief for Minorities Like Us"

Following yesterday’s election, in which Donald Trump was elected the 45th President of the United States, NU College Republicans have announced that they are thankful that minorities like themselves will finally have a voice in the next government of the United States.

“Our people have been oppressed for so long, especially at Northwestern, so this definitely was a sign that the American public does care about our people,” said College Republican president Owen Leff. “It goes to show that America truly is a melting pot, where even the whitest of students can fit in and feel safe in their community.”

NU College Republicans had declined to endorse or condemn Trump during the election season to help facilitate discussion, except on their Facebook page, where they deleted comments that disagreed with them. “We just want people to feel free to speak openly about things that are bothering them,” said Leff, “Just as long as they’re not accusing any of us of sexual assault. Then we’d like them to stay quiet, please.”

Though many women, LGBT, black, muslim, hispanic, and disabled students are worried that they will no longer be represented in Trump’s government, NU College Republicans assuaged their fears. “Those students don’t need to worry, because they’ll be represented by other persecuted minorities, like us. All us minorities in it together,” expressed Leff, a white, cisgendered straight male.

Finishing up their press conference, a relieved Leff and the rest of the NU College Republicans announced that they would celebrate their hard-fought civil rights victory with a quick weekend in Leff’s summer home in Miami, just to take the load off for a bit.