Not ovulating? Try Vaginal Basket Weaving Instead!
Hey guys, Cyndy here!
So for this week’s column I thought I would steer our car of life advice down the twisty turny, windy grindy, confusing road that is our vaginal canals. More specifically, I thought we would take a look down Fallopian Tube Avenue and discuss something many of my readers have been asking about: ovulation, why it happens, why it doesn’t and what we should do about it.
Now we all know ovulation as the natural process wherein a Streetcar Named Egg chugs its way down Fallopian Tube Avenue so that it may either be spat out and amount to absolutely nothing OR become your future child if it’s lucky enough to crash into Thomas the Sperm Engine on the intersection of road and train tracks that is sexual intercourse. This exciting process keeps our canals strong and active!
BUT did you know there’s a way for women to NOT ovulate? Apparently, when the Birth Control Mobile enters into a body, it makes the Streetcar Named Egg stop scooting down Fallopian Tube avenue. Weird, right? This realization made me think. If I’m on birth control and I’m not pumping eggs down my fallopian tubes what should I be doing with myself? I have so much extra free time and vaginal energy now! Ladies, if you’ve been wondering the same thing, do I have the answer for YOU!
Basket weaving. Not just any kind of basket weaving – vaginal basket weaving. Instead of letting your twisty turny, windy grindy tubes and genital stuff get soft and pathetic, keep them strong by weaving baskets with your labia!
Vaginal Basket Weaving in 3 Easy Steps
1. Get basket weaving supplies
Not sure what basket weaving supplies are? I still don’t know. Try grabbing random things off the shelves at Michael’s that always works for me
2. Attach supplies to your labia
I’ve found that Command strips work really well for this. However, DO NOT – I repeat DO NOT – rip them off like a Band-Aids. Unless you missed your monthly waxing appointment. Then it’s ok. BUT I’ll go over DIY waxing with things you find lying around the house next week!
We all did Girl Scouts. Picture the top of a Samoa. Make that with your vagina.
… And be proud knowing that even if a Street Car Named Egg isn’t making it’s way down Fallopian Tube Avenue, the Panavaginal Canal is still running strong! And allowing the successful entry and exit of thousands of vessels every year.