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Northwestern Health Services Unveils New State Of The Art Mental Health Bench

Northwestern Health Services Unveils New State Of The Art Mental Health Bench

EVANSTON - Lauding it as one of the best investments in the school’s history, Northwestern Health Services announced on Monday the newest addition to its campus: a brand new, state-of-the-art mental health bench. The structure, conveniently placed outside Annenberg Hall under the Old Oak Tree, is aimed at providing an on-campus space dedicated to the psychological wellness of the student body, and comes in the form of a regularly-maintained, professionally equipped, medical grade, bench.

Word has already spread of the new renovation among students at the famously rigorous institution: “people cry on the bench” remarked Junior Stephanie Zinnen on the new health renovation, “that’s pretty much it.” Northwestern Health Services have publicly stated in the past that they are committed to removing the taboo around mental illness, and are taking initiative by giving students a judgement-free zone to express and communicate ideas and emotions surrounding the topic, often in the form of an academically-induced meltdown.

“We’re making moves to show our dedication to mental health”, said Dean of Students Todd Adams, “we know that the pressure of higher education can take its toll, especially at a university with such high prestige and a rigorous academics…so there’s a bench now.” The new facility is already seeing some use, according to several reports of students seen bawling their eyes out at 4 A.M. after a 16-hour study session, but this time in a university-subsidized, supportive, understanding, sanded and varnished, Snakewood bench.

“It’s good to know that the kids are really embracing it”, remarked Adams. However, the decision has been faced with some criticism from parents and alumni who say that the school is still not doing enough, accusing the administration of just putting in a bench, which some say does not qualify as an accredited medical establishment capable of dealing with the issue of stress-induced mental illness: “especially not with Snakewood, one of the hardest woods…they’d be much better off with a Spruce or a Cedar”, remarked one McCormick alumnus.

Nevertheless, the university stands behind its decision, claiming the seating space will become a vital part of the campus’ infrastructure, and has the potential to save lives, provided it’s not too cold outside, in which case students should remain in their rooms to study. At press time, Northwestern representatives had concluded its new venture a success, adding that the anxiety-relieving space also functions as “a regular bench”.

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