Northwestern Dining Halls Ranked By The Likelihood Of Running Into That Girl Sarah Who Stopped Texting Me
With its spacious atmosphere and variety of food options, Allison seems like it would be the best option for South campus dining. Unfortunately, Sarah must think so too, because it seems like she’s in here all the time. You know, that girl Sarah? The one who stopped texting me after a couple dates? How can I focus on my soft taco when I’m trying to avoid making eye contact with her? It really seemed like things were going well. Honestly, I think it’s messed up to just ghost someone like that. At least tell me if you don’t wanna hang out any more.
Do you love Plexican? Crave pasta night? Or maybe you’re looking for a late night waffle? Too bad! There’s always a decent chance of running into Sarah grabbing a bite to eat at Plex. Why’d you stop texting me, Sarah? Was it because I talked about cryptocurrency too much? Because it’s actually a very complex topic. There’s a lot going on. I could see that you were getting a little bored, but I had to explain the whole thing or else you wouldn’t get it.
It’s a bit of a walk from South campus and it’s always super crowded, but eating alone at Sarge is worth almost never seeing Sarah there. I say “almost” because she does seem to pop up on Tuesdays and Thursdays for lunch. I guess she has a class at Tech then. Who’s that guy she was eating lunch with? He’s so tall, is he an athlete? Fuck. Anyway, the dining options at Sarge are usually pretty high quality compared to – ok, I’m sorry, did you stop texting me because I got scared of that bird at dinner? It’s a legitimate phobia, so it’s really not cool if that’s why you stopped responding, Sarah. This is why I said we should eat our poke inside.
Coming in at number one, it’s Elder! Sure, it’s about a 20 minute walk from seemingly anywhere else on campus and the quesadillas have definitely been sitting there since Wildcat Welcome 2010, but I have never seen Sarah there even once. Elder is a perfect place to get a bite to eat in an environment that will help you forget about Sarah. That being said, Sarah, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I know I don’t know you that well, but I really thought we had a special connection. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. I hope you’re happy – wait, she just liked my last Instagram post. What the hell, Sarah?