New York Times wins Pulitzer for finding parties at Northwestern
NEW YORK–The New York Times was awarded the Pulitzer Prize in Investigative Reporting today for uncovering evidence that students at Northwestern University went to a party over the weekend.
“It’s really amazing to us,” said Paul Tash, chairman of the Pulitzer Prize Board. “We’ve never heard of a university with fraternities that throw parties. We were under the impression that Northwestern students just scratched their balls all day.”
Tash later added that he should know because he “gave the damn convocation speech to a bunch of Medilldos last year.”
The Pulitzer Prize is the highest award any publication can receive for investigation. An unnamed source said the fact that New York Times reporters actually stood on Northwestern’s fraternity quad for several nights and wrote about “a forest of empty bottles” was unmatched by any reporting he had ever seen. Some students have speculated that these journalists may have once been on staff at the Daily Northwestern.
The New York Times story used its most intelligent reporters to investigate the Northwestern fraternity quad. Although intel was discouraging at first, these reporters stuck it out. Once midterms were over at Northwestern, they recalled witnessing men and women who “danced to throbbing hip-hop music or played beer pong on plywood tables.”
“That’s when I knew we were onto something big,” said Richard Péréz-Peña, who co-wrote the story with Steven Yaccino. “At The New York Times, we write for a global audience. For our readers, this news that students drink alcohol on the weekend is absolutely mind boggling. We had to call attention to their sins.”
For the Northwestern student population, the most remarkable part of the story is that a social scene existed at their school all along, while many had doubted its existence.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” asked Andy Cornwall, a freshman who lives in SMQ, which according to The New York Times is Northwestern’s most-desirable dorm. “We had more than one party in a night and it gets put in the fucking newspaper?”