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NASA To Create International Safe Space Station

NASA To Create International Safe Space Station

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Earlier this week, head of NASA Charles Bolden announced the construction of the International Safe Space Station (ISSS). The space station, expected to launch into Earth’s orbit in early 2020, will provide astronauts with a habitable satellite free of ridicule, criticism, and astro-aggressions. Currently in construction, the ISSS will feature plush couches, coloring books, and Yosemite National Park-themed wallpaper. The plan to create a multi-billion-dollar “safe zone” came about after in-orbit astronauts reported feeling bombarded by viewpoints and space debris that challenged their personal beliefs and their artificial gravity, respectively. “In space, no one can hear you scream,” confessed astronaut James Brady, “But hurtful comments about my societal identity—I hear those crystal clear.” Brady has spent the past week in the International Safe Space Station watching Disney movies and sewing spacesuit-compatible mittens. Aboard the ISSS is a team of therapists trained to handle mid-orbit emergencies, as well as to provide comfort to hurting astronauts. “Aborting a space station after debris takes out one of your main engines is tough, “ said on-board therapist Dr. Jerry Greenberg, “but working out the feelings of these men and women is on a whole different level.”

While only accessible in a 2-minute window when the orbits of the ISS and the ISSS overlap, the International Safe Space Station aims to offer astronauts a chance to momentarily escape from daily stress. With issues such as NASA budget cuts and the Black Holes Distort Matter movement prevalent in everyday life, astronauts have been reporting increased levels of anxiety. “Last week we watched Gravity, and that was a major trigger,” said current astronaut Lisa Sullivan. “In fact, every time I look out the window and see Earth, that’s a trigger too. It’s like, ‘Oh, I’m not there right now just because of my job, just because of who I am.’ That’s a tough reality.”

The creation of the International Safe Space Station has been met with harsh criticism by conservative media outlets, who were quick to label astronauts as “privileged” for even being outside of Earth’s atmosphere and eating food out of tubes. The Wall Street Journal recently made headlines for releasing an article titled “Don’t Go Into a Dark and Infinite Vacuum If You Want a Safe Space.”

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