Move Over, Pike America: Here Comes Sig Chi Latvia!
Ir pienācis laiks izlūgties! Move over, “Pike America” and make way for a better, Baltic bar night. Your favorite fraternity to embezzle money from is proud to present: Sig Chi Latvia.
On Thursday night, students are breaking out their woolen shawls and linen tunics and heading down to Chicago’s Trophy Room for a night of booze, bangerz, and everyone’s favorite Baltic state.
“I realized that with the typical bar night, we’re not reaching much beyond the straight, white, cisgender male demographic,” said Dylan Adams, Sig Chi social chair, practicing a pan flute cover of Mr. Brightside for the big night. “But thankfully, with a theme like this, we can hope to diversify with a 26.9% ethnic Russian population, just like the motherland itself!
Last year, attendees opted to belt the ballads of Latvia’s peaceful Singing Revolution on the busses downtown, a notable difference from the screaming counts of “MAGA” by Pike members claiming to be “socially moderate.”
Though the event will not offer an open bar, party-goers will receive one drink ticket each, after making an acceptable plea for their sovereignty to the large Soviet man in the corner. And luckily for underclassmen, Latvia has no regulated drinking age, so bouncers outside the venue only asked for a compensatory slice of Rupjmaize or traditional folk dance at the door.
Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful in receiving an interview with Weinberg sophomore and 2018 attendee Sara Greenberg regarding her thoughts on the night, due to her year-long disappearance. Sources say she is currently being detained in a Latvian prison, where she has been indicted for subversive behavior regarding her Instagram post captioned, “When in Latvia <3.”
Last year was one for the grāmatas. Now that this year is the inaugural year of Latvia’s Riga Jurmala orchestral music festival, things are only going to get more rowdy.