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Millions Unwittingly Baptized by ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Millions Unwittingly Baptized by ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

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"That's right, you sinners. Baptize yoself"

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge–which asks people to dump water on their heads or donate money to fight Lou Gehrig’s Disease–is actually a scheme to baptize people into Christianity.

This information comes straight from the mouth of The Christian God, who came forward about the scheme amidst prior speculation to Sherman Ave this weekend.

“I thought it was fool-proof,” admitted God via heaven phone. “Most people weren't going to donate money if they had the option to pour water on their heads.”

Jerry Kochlan, 20, of Fargo, North Dakota, is one of the many who narrowly avoided a lifetime in hell by unwittingly baptizing himself.

“I mean, for me it was obvious,” said Kochlan, who neglected to donate to ALS research. “Lose money? Or get 40 Facebook likes and a lifetime in paradise for my good deed?”

Just like Moses!

Kochlan speculates that dumping water on his head made a huge difference for those suffering with Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

“You know,” added God, “It was also a great way of figuring out how many people needed to get saved. I mean, they thought pouring water made them a good person! Heck, it’s like the second coming of Jesus up in here!”[1]

Although millions of dollars have been raised through the Ice Bucket Challenge, God declined to comment on whether or not he would take this opportunity to just go ahead and cure Lou Gehrig's Disease.

[1] Wow! The author really hopes she doesn't get crucified for this line

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