Megadeth to Headline Mega-Shabbat

EVANSTON - Due to a misunderstanding of tremendous proportions, American thrash metal band Megadeth will be playing a 90-minute set at Northwestern's 2nd annual Mega-Shabbat dinner, according to Northwestern Hillel.

The organizations hosting the dinner admitted they were surprised when they received the e-mail from Megadeth's business manager.

"Well, we didn't actually hire them.  In fact, we're not even paying them," explained a spokesperson from Hillel.  "They actually contacted us.  We thought it seemed a bit out of the ordinary, but we do pride ourselves on inviting and accepting people from all backgrounds.  And at this point, we'd feel bad if we asked them not to play music."

"Hopefully they'll have some Jewish-themed songs," added the spokeperson.

Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine explained loudly in an interview that the band has had trouble booking gigs recently.  "I told our business manager to just start e-mailing gigs that sounded appropriate," screamed Mustaine.  "So we ended up scoring this gig at Mega-Shabbat, probably because our business manager didn't know that a Shabbat is a Jewish dinner.  To his credit, neither did I."

Mustaine shouted that the band's set at Mega-Shabbat would include hits from a wide range of albums, including Youthenasia, Countdown to Extinction, and the band's debut album, Killing Is My Business...And Business Is Good!  He went on to explain at a remarkably high decibel level that some of the band's timeless hits, such as "Tornado of Souls" and "Symphony of Destruction," would highlight the set.

"We haven't officially decided on an order of songs yet," yelled Mustaine.  "But our encore will definitely be our hit song 'Holy Wars,' because we want to acknowledge that the night is about religion."

Added Mustaine, "Assuming we'll be asked to play an encore."

The majority of students planning to attend Mega-Shabbat haven't expressed much excitement in Megadeth's scheduled appearance.  They tend to argue that, in the words of a Weinberg sophomore, "a free meal is a free meal, and if that means listening to 90 minutes of shit music, so be it."

A few students, however, are ecstatic at the news.  One student, who identified himself only as "that kid from your high school who wore a trenchcoat every day," suggested that Megadeth is better than any musical artist brought to campus before.

"Oh my fuck," said the student. "Megadeth is so fucking good.  Holy fuck.  I'm gonna fucking die.  They played at my Bar Mitzvah, they're so fucking good."

However, the strongest proponent of Megadeth headlining the dinner is Northwestern Vice President of Student Affairs Patricia Telles-Irvin, who mentioned in an interview that the band's fifth studio album, Rust In Peace, is an integral part of her daily pagan ritual.