Mayfest Confirms Miguel as Headliner; Simultaneously Endorses Public Sex
Evanston, IL - Earlier this week, Mayfest updated www.dilloday.com to feature an image with lyrics from the popular song “Do You…” It was confirmed today by an addition to the Lineup section of their website: Miguel will be headlining Dillo Day this year. “We went after Miguel for a few reasons,” SESP senior and Mayfest Producer Diane Gallagher beamed. “He’s got a unique vibe, great voice, is a known great performer, and booking him helps get the word out that we fully support public sex on Dillo Day."
For the uninitiated, what should you expect from Miguel’s performance? “I was in the Mayfest office when we first heard the contract had been signed,” McCormick sophomore Will Meyers said, “and I had never heard a Miguel song before. We celebrated by blasting ‘Adorn.’ I don’t know what happened next, but I came to with my pants off, grinding on the giant NUDM check in the corner of the room."
“He has a very powerful effect on people,” Meyers continued, as he awkwardly crossed his legs and put his backpack on his lap, “and imbibes people with the sex drive of a jackrabbit in heat.”
How does Mayfest feel this will impact the concertgoers’ experience? “Feedback from last year’s event indicated students wanted a better performer on stage, and someone that can take the average student past second base,” Gallagher explained. “We’re in talks with SHAPE to get everyone coated with polyurethane before the event to ensure this is mosh-pit-orgy is as safe as possible.”