Kim Jong-un Completes Fourth Consecutive Perfect Bracket
Although the Villanova Wildcats secured their first men’s basketball championship since 1985, the real winner was North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un. For the fourth year in a row, the brutal dictator who has been criticized as incompetent and corrupt accurately predicted the result of all 67 NCAA tournament games, including the play-in games. Kim is the only person in the history of the tournament to have a perfect bracket, let alone four straight. The totalitarian ruler was unreceptive to our interview requests, but the North Korean ministry of information released a statement regarding his method in picking every winner the last four years despite the one in 9.2 quintillion odds of having a perfect bracket. “The Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea used his ingenuity to create an invisible virtual reality headset to look into the future. Also all reports of purging are totally over-exaggerated.”
This also marks the fourth consecutive year in which Kim won his world leaders bracket pool, in which first place wins a dozen nuclear weapons, and second place gets their nuclear weapons back.