Kellogg Students Resigned to Fact that Following Dreams Will Likely Never Garner More Than Seven-Digit Salary
EVANSTON, IL – According to a recent poll of more than three hundred students at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, the majority of those attending the top-flight business institution have fully acknowledged that the pursuit of their dreams will likely never result in a yearly salary of more than a few million dollars per year.
“If you’re coming to business school you’re doing it because you’ve found a passion in synergizing a multilevel corporate flowchart or leveraging variable-expenditure profit models, not because you expect to make a lot of money,” said second-year business student Craig Thomson when asked about the poll’s results. “We constantly have to remind ourselves that most Kellogg students will never amount to more than an Executive Vice President of a Fortune 500 company, and that’s just something you have to accept if business is what you want to do with your life.”
The results of the survey, released through the university on September 16, also indicate that students attending the Kellogg business school readily concede that they may have to wait a whole week, or maybe even two weeks, before finding a job after graduation.
“I guess a lot of us got sucked up into the whole mindset of ‘following our dreams’ that they teach you when you’re a kid,” first-year Kellogg student Carol Redding told reporters. “Hell, ever since I was little I imagined myself figuring out how to empower a company’s human investments through Six Sigma incentivization mockups; now I’m living that dream!
“No, we probably won’t be able to afford multiple summer homes or more than two trips to Europe per year, but when you’re pursuing your passion those sacrifices go down a little easier.”
Love synergies and increased profitability through vertical integration? Apply to be a writer for Sherman Ave!