Keg Week 2013 EXCLUSIVE: Tisdahl Shut Down TKOE Because She Had "A Really Shitty Time There Once"

Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl confirmed Tuesday that her years-long campaign against The Keg of Evanston, which ultimately forced the legendary bar to close last month, was rooted in one bad experience she had at The Keg.

In an exclusive interview with Sherman Ave, Tisdahl said that The Keg “fucking sucked” and “only douchebags went there.” It all began, Tisdahl said, when she was denied entry to the bar because she was over 21.

“The fucking doorman,” Tisdahl muttered. “Fucking hate that snotsicle.”

After hopping the back fence, however, the trouble truly began.

“I mean, I was like really hitting it off with this guy,” Tisdahl said. “We had so much in common! He was a Kellogg student, and I too hate children!”

But as Tisdahl attempted to deliver her classic pickup line— “Hey babe, what do you say we go back to my place and plan how to burn Bobb to the ground after barricading the doors… if ya know what I mean”— she was bowled over by a pack of ETHS students running with big cups.

“It was all over from there,” Tisdahl said. “I never saw him again, but I think about him all the time. There’s no doubt in my mind that if we were together I would be mayor of a city with AT LEAST twice as many muggings per year as Evanston. But all that’s gone now. Because of The Keg.”

Tisdahl said that after The Incident she immediately went to work on a multi-decade plan to bring about the demise of The Keg. She began by running for city council, followed by the mayorship, all in order to become the head of the Evanston Liquor Control Board.

From there, she launched an investigation into The Keg’s underage drinking violations, followed by a lengthy appeals process that ultimately culminated in The Keg’s liquor license being revoked, which forced The Keg’s owner not to renew the lease and to close the bar.

All because she had a bad time there once.

Shut up guys, that’s how it happened.

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