It’s Time We Unshackle NU: Divest from Coca-Cola University
You're just trying to enjoy your Kinks seminar reading in Norris when you notice an unsightly blemish on the lawn: the Coca-Cola monstrosity that boasts free custom cans. The disgusting lemmings whom you’re forced to call classmates have already lined up for their free Coke Zeros. They don’t realize that these drinks are far from free. The cost? A campus entrenched in the soda-military industrial system, a pawn in the hands of the Coca-Cola Man sitting in his ivory tower.
It begins from the moment you step on campus. You’re handed a key on a Coca-Cola lanyard and a Wildcat Welcome shirt with the Coca-Cola logo emblazoned on your breast. Coca-Cola Class of ‘21, it says.
Look at any cafeteria. Dozens of varieties of corn syrup. Why do you think the water tap produces such a weak flow? It’s to encourage you to drink the capitalist juice. Bottoms up and the Coca-Cola Man laughs.
Just head to a football game, the epicenter of the soda-military industrial system. On the sidelines, Morton Schapiro smokes a cigar with the Coca-Cola Man. Can the pop tax, Morty says. The football players pray to the Coca-Cola Man before each game. Who do you think is funding the brand new practice facility on the lake? Say your prayers, boys.
You may ask, why? The only possible answer is that AND is in our DNA. Education AND profit. Coke AND Sprite. But with your help, we can Unshackle NU.
By signing this Change.org petition, you agree to take the side of the proletariat in the beverages-class struggle. You agree to drink water at meals. You agree to send a message to Morty and the Coca-Cola Man that this is your campus. You agree to be on the right side of history.