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“It’s Just Missing that Buggy Crunch” Laments Joy Yee’s Regular

“It’s Just Missing that Buggy Crunch” Laments Joy Yee’s Regular

Joy Yee Noodle, a popular Asian-fusion restaurant, recently reopened its shuttered doors after a small mishap with live cockroaches caused a “health scare” that “forced them to shut down”.

While most have praised the Evanston Health Department’s swift action, some students are wary of change. Weinberg senior Joshua Gold, who has enjoyed Joy Yee’s dysentery-inducing food since 2014, claims that without the unique texture of cockroach exoskeleton, Joy Yee’s famous Orange Chicken is “just missing that buggy crunch”.

Gold, a resident campus weirdo, is the President, Vice President, Secretary, and sole member of Stop Health Inspector Tyranny (SHIT), a new club attempting to bring back once-popular Joy Yee’s dishes, like the “Moldy Peach Freeze”, “Chicken Fried Mice”, “Scab Rangoon”, and “Mad Cow Mein”.

“This hyper-sensitive society ruins everything, even food,” Gold whined during a Sherman Ave exclusive interview. “Ever since the health inspector got involved, management has really been skimping on the rat dandruff.”

Gold also misses playing his favorite Joy Yee’s based guessing game: Beef, Pork, or Other?

While interest in SHIT has been slow, Gold maintains that other students feel the same way. So far, the only other complaint about Joy Yee’s new health kick comes from Searle Health Center employees, who have experienced a 26% drop-off in stomach flu cases this year.

“Without Joy Yee’s, we might go out of business,” said Dr. Craig Diamond, a specialist at Searle who focuses on stomach pain. “You wouldn’t believe the lack of asbestos cases this year.”

This Season’s New Trend: The Nipple Promise Ring

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How I Didn't Meet My Boyfriend at The All-You-Can-Eat-Sushi Contest I Won

How I Didn't Meet My Boyfriend at The All-You-Can-Eat-Sushi Contest I Won