I'm Not Mad, But Who Keeps Filling My Backpack with Beans?
Hey everyone, I’d like to preface this by saying that I’m not angry, but I’m genuinely curious as to who keeps replacing the contents of my backpack with beans. Initially, I passed this off as some sort of hazing ritual, but then I remembered that all the student organizations I applied to turned me down. I know I’m a freshman, but I haven’t seen any other freshman’s backpack filled to the brim with beans. I looked it up to see if it was a Northwestern exclusive thing, but all I could find was the Bean in downtown Chicago, which I’m pretty sure has no relation.
The strange thing is that the perpetrator--or perpetrators--have been shockingly organized throughout this ordeal. I want to reiterate that I am not mad, nor do I have any hard feelings toward this silent bean gang. My feelings have evolved into something closer to intrigue. I tried putting a padlock on my backpack, like the small ones that are designed for luggage, and returned from the restroom to find the padlock easily disabled and my practical two-pocket Jansport SuperBreak overflowing with--by my estimates no less than 1,000-- goopy kidney beans. While cleaning the beans are certainly an inconvenience, I have also found that this ordeal has taken a toll on me in other ways. The most stressful part, in my humble opinion (if others have had a similar experience would like to weigh in), is figuring out what to do with the beans once I’ve de-beaned my resilient Jansport. Do I eat them? Do I throw them away? Do I donate my beans? Is it selfish if I eat these beans? So far I’ve calculated that whoever is doing this has spent upwards of $200 on these beans or bean adjacent foods (I got lentils one time). But I am not upset, I actually feel like engaging in these talks with myself has made me a better person, so for that, I thank you.
To conclude, I want to make it known how little anger I have toward this person, but I do ask that you come forward. I’d like to get to know you because I feel like we could really get along, although I have a feeling you already know me. Also, if there are any openings in the bean gang I would like to inquire about those because I am not involved in any student groups right now. My backpack will be awaiting you. How about a note one of these times?