I’m Just Thankful For My Family, Says Ungrateful Little Shit
Plymouth, MI - As guests at the Johnston’s annual Thanksgiving dinner went around the table sharing what they were thankful for, local ungrateful shit Liam Davies shared that he was “just thankful for his family,” failing to express proper gratitude for the countless expensive capital goods which he received in the past year. Davies, whose family belongs to an upper-middle class socioeconomic tax bracket, stunned guests with his unappreciative attitude for thousands-of-dollars-worth of gifts and personal possessions.
Liam’s parents, Steven and Linda, could not be more humiliated by their son’s behavior. “Frankly, I’m embarrassed,” Liam’s father Steven said. “I thought we instilled him with a real sense manners. We even bought Liam a 15-inch MacBook Pro this year, despite knowing that an HP computer would have been much cheaper and equally as functional. He can’t even be thankful for that?” In between hysterical sobs, Liam’s mother chimed in, “Why can’t he be more like his brother Tyler?” who had already abandoned the family gathering to watch football on the Johnston’s sleek 4K Ultra HD television.
Indeed, many guests worried about Liam’s skewed priorities and blindsightedness to the true meaning of the holiday season. “People are ephemeral,” Uncle Troy explained. “We’ll all be dead in a hundred years. But the plastic casing of Liam’s Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare game? That will last for millennia before it decomposes into the soil of our post-apocalyptic earth.”
Glancing sidelong at Liam as he hugged his parents close, neglecting the countless Black Friday deals available for purchase on his iPad Air, Uncle Troy added, “I just hope Liam realizes what’s important before it’s too late.”