IFC Tries to Do the Bare Minimum, Fucks it Right Up
Surprise, surprise, our boys did it again: something they thought was good but was very very silly.
In a passionate attempt to prove that they are woke, IFC has yet again made a rash, unproductive, and self-congratulatory decision that has implications beyond their wildest dreams: removing the fraternity Sigma Alpha Epsilon from the IFC Constitution thinking the university would stop recognizing them. OH BUT IF ONLY. A recent study revealed that IFC does not influence university policy to any degree, surprising literally nobody except IFC.
In keeping with SAE’s complete lack of regard for any rules or regulations, this decision would ensure that SAE would be able to operate on campus without an ounce of supervision by IFC. Super cool.
PHA Exec and Chapter Presidents are delighted that IFC finally tried to give a shit, but are not surprised that their execution failed miserably. In fact, they called it.
“I’m glad to see them publicly admonish sexual assault like everyone else has been already doing since always,” said an anonymous member of PHA exec. “Look at them go! You’ll get ‘em next time, boys.”
Wearing their masculine overconfidence on their frockets, IFC members decided that consulting a single university official or adult was unnecessary. They do know best after all! Obviously, no women were consulted in the making of this decision. The PHA president, when initially hearing of the news, reportedly just sighed.
Better luck next time, fellas!