How to React to Every Gift Your Lover Gives You this V-Day
Gift: The sweater that is kind of itchy, a little too small but is a pretty color so good try sweetheart.
Gift: The small jewelry box that looks like it holds an engagement ring but instead holds earrings and your boyfriend goes “Haha, gotcha!” cause he thought it would be funny.
Gift: A Valentine’s Day card that reads “thinking of you, Sharon.” Your name is Molly.
This is you finding out about Sharon.
This is him finding out that you found out about Sharon.
Gift: The gift your best friend got you as an “I Hate Valentine’s Day” single woman’s solidarity thing that you decided to open in front of your parents but it turned out to be a dildo so whoops.
Gift: Chlamydia (which someone already gave you, but you can't tell him that, that's rude).
-- Egg and Bootylicious S. Grant