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Houston Texans to Draft Minotaur with Number 1 Pick

Houston Texans to Draft Minotaur with Number 1 Pick

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Houston, Tx.- In lieu of a high profile college football star, the Houston Texans have reportedly reached agreement with a 655 pound, 7’10 Minotaur as the number one overall pick in this year’s NFL draft. The pick comes as a surprise to many draft experts with previous reports stating that the Texans were eyeing South Carolina defensive end Jadeveon Clowney for the pick.

ESPN analyst Mel Kiper Jr, was one of the few people not to be surprised by the move. “This kid showed real talent from day one at Alabama,” Kiper said on this week’s NFL Countdown in reference to the Minotaur’s impressive season under coach Nick Saban. “Anytime you get 146 tackles and 63.5 sacks, your name has got to be in the conversation for top pick. And do I even need to mention how he devoured those fourteen Athenians like they were hotcakes?”

The decision to draft the mythological two-time SEC Defensive Player of the Year has also been met with some criticism. Brian T. Williams, Texans beat reporter for the Houston Chronicle, wrote today in a column, “The Texans needed a quarterback like Johnny Manziel to take reigns of the offense. I’m sure the Minotaur will do fine, but after his outing against Theseus we should be wary.”

Despite the criticism, Texans head coach Bill O’Brien expressed his confidence with the pick today at a press conference. “If there’s anything that’s going to stop Andrew Luck this season, it’s the horn of a minotaur right in his little heart.”

 

BREAKING: NU to rename campus acronyms in support of LGBTQ students

BREAKING: NU to rename campus acronyms in support of LGBTQ students

Easy FRAT CRAFTS anyone can make!

Easy FRAT CRAFTS anyone can make!