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Hey. I Lost the ­­­____ and D____ T____ is President of the United States

Hey. I Lost the ­­­____ and D____ T____ is President of the United States

Hey. Hey, you.

(You turn around. Seeing no one, turn back around and point at your chest)

Who me?

Yeah you. We’re the only two people here.

(Realize it really is just the two of you)

Oh, I guess you’re right.

Yeah. No shit.

(Look at the ground. Feel bad about yourself)

Hey. Guess what?

(Look up)  

What?

I lost the game. And. Donald Trump is still the President of the United States.

(Shutter internally. Feel a scream crawl up your throat. Hold it in. Grab the switchblade from your sock)

Why. The. Fuck. Did you have to say that.

What are you gonna do about it?

(Take one defiant step forward)

Fight me? Stab me? What’s that gonna do? Huh?

(Pause)

That’s right. There’s nothing you can do. No matter how much you try to fight it, no matter how much you suppress these unpleasant truths, you still lost the goddamn game and our entire country lost their goddamn dignity last November.

(Shutter internally, again. Tighten your grip on the switchblade. Notice the drops of sweat forming on your hairline.)

In fact, instead of staying up at night counting sheep, you may as well indulge the perverse realities of this world. Imagine a newly constructed wall, thousands of miles long, extending across our border with Mexico. Imagine the exact moment in Solitaire when you know you’re stuck and that you are not going to win the game. Imagine you’re playing Guess Who? and every person is a crinkly leather faced man with yellow feathers for hair. You can’t win.

(Take another step forward)

That’s fine. You can kill me. See if I care. If that’s what you need to sleep at night, fine. Feel free to live in your lackadaisical bubble of ignorance. Forget the cold hard truth that the stupid game you used to play in middle school has come back to haunt you and that our country is run by a man with an ego one million times the size of his lil baby hands. Kill me. But those truths survive.

(Let out a tired sigh. Relax your grip on the switchblade. Watch as your six-year-old sister turns her back on you and starts to walk away)

They grow up so fast.

 

Incredible! My Mom Did Not Appreciate the Brunch I Threw For Her in the Pizza Hut Parking Lot

Incredible! My Mom Did Not Appreciate the Brunch I Threw For Her in the Pizza Hut Parking Lot

Students Visit SHAPE’s Sex Shop Fair, But for a Friend

Students Visit SHAPE’s Sex Shop Fair, But for a Friend