Game of Thrones Fans Theorize Over Whether They’ll Have a Personality After the Finale
Game of Thrones is back, and winter, apparently, is here, I guess. People all over the world are theorizing over what will come of Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, and Olivia Jade. But the biggest question on everyone’s mind is, will Game of Thrones fans have a personality left after the final credits roll?
“My buddies and I have been watching an episode every day to get ready for the finale,” Ryan Johnson, a Billie Eilish fan, had to say. “It’s just so fucking sick. The characters—they’re so different from the first episode. It’s like, character development. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it before. They do it in Breaking Bad.”
No matter what questions Sherman Ave asked Ryan about his summer plans or his favorite color, he only responded: “Thrones.”
Other fans were asked about what they expect to do after the series ends, but all they had to say was “Daenerys—so fine” and “I just bought a popsocket with Jon Snow’s penis on it.”
One of the more self-aware fans, John Snow (no relation), reported that he has started searching for new hobbies for after the finale airs. “I need to have something as mentally stimulating as Thrones to keep me occupied,” Snow said, “like Sudoku or working on my summer undergraduate research grant application to study the development of feudal societies in Westeros pre- versus post-Targaryen rule.”
After attending one of the gatherings fans have during the show’s airing--they call them “watch parties”--Sherman Ave fears that the prognosis is worse than any of the fans would like to admit. When asked if she will look for a new obsession after the show ends, one fan said: “Do you look for a new head after it’s chopped off? No. You can’t. Because your eyes are gone. Just like Ned Stark’s in the Season 1 Finale. No Spoiler alert for you because that was seven years ago, you piece of shit. Catch up.”
“I’m just going to keep watching reruns, it’ll never really end for me. If I stop, then the Lannisters win!” Annie, 23, screamed through the walls of her small, padded room that she built as a shelter from “the 7 gods during the War of Winterfell, eons ago.”
Let’s just hope that when winter finally ends and spring arrives, people will stop jacking off to on-screen incest long enough to hold onto the remainder of their personalities.