Freshman Guide to Picking Your Dillo Day Fanny Pack Aesthetic
Dillo Day--the cultural event of the year, if you exclude every other cultural event of 2017. A place to see and be seen, which, of course, necessitates the breaking out your best festival gear. Between accessories and various wardrobe pieces, the ensemble combinations are grossly endless. Luckily, Sherman Ave is here to weigh in (even though no one asked) on our favorite piece of festival gear, the fanny pack, so that you can make a more informed decision concerning your Dillo “look” (since fashion falls under our jurisdiction as a satirical publication).
Plain Black Fanny Pack
Con: Your crippling fear of risk-taking will be exposed.
Fanny Pack Featuring Witty Saying
Pro: Everyone will know that you’re quirky, and that you LOVE comedy!
Con: Everyone will be too fucked up to actually be able to read. Mysterious symbols will only serve to alarm and incite Dillo attendees, who were, at one point, considered to be some of the most intelligent students in the nation.
Tie Dye Fanny Pack
Pro: Groovy, dude!
Con: When the monsoon hits the lakefill the tie dye might bleed.
Your Organization’s Fanny Pack
Pro: You get to display your involvement on campus in a fun and casual way.
Con: Cult activity is highly frowned upon and may even be considered illegal in the state of Illinois. With all the narcs and the cops swarming the lakefill, do you really want to take that chance?
Patriotic Fanny Pack
Pro: Your never-ending support for the great country that is the United States of America.
Con: Why do you have to bring politics into everything, man? I’m just trying to have a chill Dillo!
Your Mom’s Vintage Fanny Pack
Pro: Your commitment to authenticity.
Con: It will inevitably get ruined 5 minutes into your morning when you drunkenly spill the mimosas you’re double-fisting all over your carefully curated Dillo ensemble. The rest of your day will be dedicated to tearfully coming up with an explanation for your mom as to why you are such a damn lightweight after so many months in college--by the way, did you get that shirt from Urban?
Translucent Fanny Pack
Pro: Everyone will be able to see your drugs.
Con: Everyone will be able to see your drugs.
No Fanny Pack
Ha! Good one! Let’s stick to Sherman Ave making the jokes, alright?