Freshman Guide: The Best Places to Smoke Weed on Campus
Sup FROSH? It’s me, sophomore and resident Sherman Ave cooly cool cool guy Nat A. Kopp. I’m a radical chiller and I’m definitely not an undercover police officer. Or am I? Psyche! Just kidding! Fooled you! Ha ha. I’m not a cop. I’m not.
You shrimps must be wondering where a guy can go to smoke some mary jane safely here on campus. Well, lucky for you frosh shrimps, your buddy Nat totally has the lowdown on all the best places to get frrrrrosty. Yo come with me I’ll show you, ya shrimp!
1. The Front Steps of Lunt Hall
Alright alright you shrimp froshies, I know you must be thinking that this is kind of out in the open, but trust me, it’s no biggie (smalls). The cops never come around here past like 3pm because they’re too busy CHOMPING DONUTS like PIGS! I hate cops man, I would never be a cop. I feel like we’re really bonding.
2. On Top of The Rock
Check it shrimp, Northwestern students like paint this thing for their student groups. I read all about in the pamphlet they gave me to help me prepare to be a narc--haha, PSYCHE! You’re a narc you fucking shrimp I’m not a narc ha ha. Anyway it’s nice to just sit on “the Rock” and like, survey your kingdom while you’re taking a sweet sweet drag off that sweet sweet “J.”
3. Right Outside of Allison
I know there’s a security guard right there, his name is Jerry, and he’s cool, trust me you jumbo shrimp. Stop freaking out ha ha. This is a great place to smoke because you meet a lot of duderinos passing through, and some major babes. I’m talking babe city. Babeland. Babe, like the movie with the pig? Like fucking cops dude, they’re all fucking pigs. I’m not a cop. By the way we can totally hang out like, whenever, just hit me up shrimp.
4. Your RA’s Room
Yo, when I was a shrimpy-baby-shrimp frosh like you, I was totally freaked out that my RA would be a “total narc” and call the cops on me, and you know I fucking hate narcs and cops like you. But then I was smokey smoking a “blunt” and my RA came into my dorm room and was like, “Young man, is that marijuana?” and I freaked out and just threw the thing in my pocket. But then was like “Nah brother, I’m just joshin’ ya, let’s smoke a fucking doob you sack of crap” and I was like woah and he totally smoked me out. He’s been one of my best friends ever since. You should totally smoke with your RA. It’ll be totally rad and they won’t report you to the police, I’m not a cop. We should totally hang with your RA.
5. The NUPD Station
Yo microshrimp, it turns out that the cops at Northwestern are actually total chiller- FREEZE! NUPD!
We got him! I fooled you, I was an officer of the law this entire time! Me, Officer Nathaniel Absolutelya Kopp. Marijuana is a bad drug for bad people who do bad things to good people like me, a police officer. You’re going away for a long time you bad, naughty man. Book him, boys!