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Fatal Miscommunication: Sorority Girl Trapped at “Babe in a Bottle” Mixer

Fatal Miscommunication: Sorority Girl Trapped at “Babe in a Bottle” Mixer

EVANSTON, IL — In a tragic series of events unfolding at an even more tragic off-campus frat house pregame, freshman Sophie Carson came inches away from death. The cause? One careless text from SESP freshman Josh Mansfeld.

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“Yeah, I saw my typo,” said Mansfeld. “I’ve only been talking to her for four months nonstop, so I wasn’t about to be crazy over-eager by double texting to correct myself. That’s just, like, definitely not my vibe.”

After receiving the text from this fraternity brother-to-be, Carson did her research to find the best hobbyist in the area to get her the look she needed to get an invite back to Josh’s double in Bobb.

“She came in the shop on Thursday, after-hours, and asked me to dress her up,” said Pete Bankauser, a local glassblower who specializes in making those bottles with impossibly large boats in ‘em.

“Before her, I had only done hobby work, nothing too fancy,” Bankauser said. “My boats are for myself. They’re art, but art for me. However, she wanted to be exclusive with Josh, and that’s when I knew that God gave me this gift for a reason, and that reason is to put things that don’t seem as if they would fit in a bottle in a bottle for the world to see.”

After she was put in the bottle, she made her way to the off-campus house where she met Mansfeld. He was shocked, to say the least.

“Sophie seems chill but like that bottle really harshed my vibe, dude. Like, it blocked out all of my comments about how weird it is that Jack brought grapefruit Svedka to Babe in a Bottle, oh fuck, I mean Babe and a Bottle, god I should learn from my mistakes. Anyway, and like yeah she looked good inside the bottle but she was, like, fully stuck in there, so there was no way she was going back to Bobb with me. That just made it weird. Also, like the minute we stepped inside the glass fogged up and I couldn’t see her. Overall weird night. Should’ve brought Ally, to be honest.”

When asked whether he has checked up on her after the incident, Mansfeld was taken aback. “Yo, I hope she doesn’t expect me to, like, text her or anything,” he said. “Should I text her? I don’t want her to think I wanna date her or anything. Not gonna do it, not worth it.”

Sophie Carson is still recovering at Northshore Hospital, where doctors feed her through a food tube via the top of the bottle. When Sherman Ave asked why the doctors didn’t just break the glass, we were told not to ask questions we don’t want the answers to. This story is still developing.

Additional reporting by: Ghana Ria


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