Fall Quarter, Freshman Year – What You Have/Will Have Learned
My fall quarter freshman year was a whirlwind of Skol, strangers, and non-existent study hours. If you’re a freshman, learn these lessons now. If you’re not, congratu-fucking-lations on your extraordinary level of coolness and your through-the-roof tolerance. I’m sure you can relate to all of these. You should probably study sometime Those C’s will catch up with you and prevent you from doing some pretty cool shenanigans. For those of you who didn’t have to study in high school – shit got real once you showed up here. Learn how to study (it’s difficult, I know).
People here all have cool backgrounds and interesting stories Most people at Northwestern aren’t vapid, moronic human beings. We’re all pretty cool and interesting. I even know someone from a town who had a guy going around fucking sheep. Yes, you read that right.
Dressing up for parties isn’t as fun and sexy as you thought it’d be In fact, it’s really tiring… I’m just straight up exhausted with seeing decked-out freshmen walk into parties rolling 30-deep. It’s 7 degrees outside. Ditch the skirt that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination and do your best to obtain a little self-respect.
Dignity is hard! Your hookups will definitely come back to haunt you on your walk down Sheridan Road, and you wont know if a) they remember you and b) if you should say hi. You’ll also probably have had some less than stellar nights and moments at parties where “What the fuck?” was the only possible reaction. Hold your head high and suck it up. You’re better than those moments and people will forget about it. Probably.
That awkwardness doesn’t mean you should be unfriendly as fuck, however. Don’t reinforce the stereotype that we nerds here at Northwestern are also socially incompetent. We all know that you remember taking shots to big booty hoes this weekend, so acknowledge me when I pass you by.
You shouldn’t be pretending to “know” people Remember that one time you walked up to that frat house, dropped a random Facebook friend’s name, and was promptly told that he was out of the country? Yeah, you’re always going to feel weird about that one. Make real connections and don’t abuse your friendships in order to get drunk.
And if you haven't learned anything else, you must have learned that applications to write for Sherman Ave are available NOW.