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Dunkin' Donuts Secret Menu

Dunkin' Donuts Secret Menu

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For years, fast food connoisseurs have known about the secret menus of restaurants likes In-N-Out Burger and Potbelly, but very few Northwestern students know that a  Norris staple also harbors a secret menu that is exclusive to its location on Norris’ ground floor. Ladies and gentlemen, the Dunkin’ Donuts secret menu: What to order: Atlantic Surprise

What it is: A cronut injected with Boston cream filling

What to order: The Wildcat

What it is: You get a small bag that’s filled with a bunch of rejection letters from Brown.

What to order: Lego Frosted

What it is: A Marbled Frosted donut stuffed with legos. Do not give to children.

What to order: The Cowboy

What it is: A Big N’ Toasted deep fried in batter and then topped with an entire stromboli from North Shore Pizza Company.

What to order: Soylent Green

What it is: Soylent Green is people!!! People with sprinkles.

What to order: The Godfather

What it is: A combo meal that includes a large coffee and a severed horse head.

What to order: Dirty Rick

What it is: A Vanilla Bean Coolatta with a dollop of guacamole and the leftover grease from the Frontera Fresco grills added to it.

What to order: Box of Hands

What it is: Literally, a box of hands.

What to order: The Secret

What it is: Don’t actually say anything to the cashier.  Just direct positive thoughts in their direction and watch as your life improves with...is that a goddamn plain donut? Fuck, who even likes those?!

What to order: The Schick Quattro

What it is: Just a regular old classic glazed donut. No razorblades in there, I promise.

What to order: The Morty

What it is: Lavender-infused flourless French chocolate cake batter fried in imported Catalonian truffle oil and glazed with a huckleberry-balsamic reduction sauce.  Served with a side of vegan crème fraîche and high-mindedness.

 

-Clint Taurus & Walter Klondike™

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