Congressperson Heroically Completes 8-Hour Workday
WASHINGTON D.C. - Heralded as a virtually unparalleled act of governing, Congresswoman and Democratic Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi made headlines on Tuesday by successfully and heroically completing an 8-hour workday. Holding the floor to speak on the Democratic Party’s devotion to a long-term spending bill that includes funding for the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, or DACA, Pelosi earned cheers for incessantly performing the duties of Congressperson for a record eight uninterrupted hours. She spoke from approximately 10 AM to 6 PM, breaking congressional records dating back to 1909, when Congressman James Clark made history by doing his job for six hours straight. For the entirety of the speech, she told stories of DREAMers, undocumented immigrants brought to the United States as children and who every day contribute countless hours of work to American innovation and industry. With the wind at her back, Pelosi triumphantly continued through lunch time and well into the afternoon in her quest to successfully fulfill her role as an elected congressperson. The speech quickly trended on Twitter with the hashtag “#GoNancyGo”, signifying support for the Minority Leader’s steel will and work ethic. “It’s truly admirable”, remarked one Democratic spokesman, “she came in at nine and left around seven o’clock...never seen anything like it.” When asked for comment, area DREAMer Maria Andrés remarked that she hadn’t seen the speech, due to a time-consuming 18 hour emergency room shift. At press time, staunch supporters bragged that Pelosi could in fact work for a whole week with no breaks if need be, of course taking weekends to be with friends and family.