College is the Only Time it's Safe to Experiment with Cuffing Your Pants (by Your Dad)
Now, son, college is an important part in everyone’s life. It’s when you’re going to discover who you truly are. You’re going to have a lot of new and exciting experiences and sure, a lot of it’s going to be scary. College is the time in your life when you’ll be able to discover sex and alcohol, but son, the most important thing is that college is the only time it’s okay to experiment with cuffing the bottoms of your pants.
I know it’s weird to hear this from your old man but I’m speaking from experience here. If you’re anything like me you’re going to have your heart broken and hell, maybe a pregnancy scare or two. I’ve woken up underneath more beer pong tables than I can remember—and I think I turned out alright! That’s what you can do in college. But the biggest thing, son, is that you’re going to have to discover for yourself if you can pull off a double cuff on your raw denim jeans or a two inch turn-up on your slim-fit chinos.
Now, don’t tell your mother I told you this, but I think it’s best for you to take these risks in college. You’ll never be able to discover who you truly are if you don’t make a mistake or two. You might roll the bottom of your jeans too high while wearing white athletic socks with your Sperry Top Siders or make an ass out of yourself with an asymmetric cuff. But if you don’t learn these lessons in college you’ll never be ready for the real world, son.
Now, college is going to be a lot more difficult for you than it was for me. I never had to worry about what color socks I was going to wear with my distressed suede desert boots if I wanted to pull off a crisp cuff on my dark wash jeans. But college is going to be a safe place for you where you can take these chances and learn lessons for yourselves. You’ll learn for yourself if you can “rock” the bare ankle above your leather oxfords or if you have what it takes to wear a paisley short-sleeve button down.
Remember, son, we’re proud of you for going off to college. Take these next four years to learn your limits and experiment with what it’s like to be independent, but God help us, son, if I find out you’ve been wearing American flag Chubbies you can find somewhere else to stay for Christmas break.