Bud Light Announces New Slogan “Drink Up And Suck My Dick Bitch”

Bud Light made significant changes to its “Up For Whatever” campaign Tuesday by announcing plans to launch its newest slogan, “Drink Up and Suck My Dick Bitch,” on beer cans nationwide.Following harsh criticism for labeling its merchandise as “the perfect beer for removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary,” Bud Light quickly withdrew this slogan in hopes to rebrand and clarify their product’s message. According to spokesperson Matt Edwards, Bud Light has honed in on an image that better fits its customers.

“We feel we have finally found a message that highlights the best in our product. It’s clear that our slogan “removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary” missed the mark, and we regret it. In this spirit, we have corrected our message. We are confident that “Drink Up and Suck My Dick Bitch” accurately reflects the values and lifestyle of our customers.”

And the customers agree. The hashtag #DrinkUpAndSuck has taken off amongst college-aged males and can be seen on social media sites such as Instagram and Twitter along with pictures of white men wearing backwards baseball hats, neon-colored tank tops, and thin gold chain necklaces.

“I honestly didn’t have that much of a problem with removing “no” from girls’ vocabulary, but this slogan really speaks to me. On, like, a deeper level, you know? ” commented UVA senior Billy Middleton.

Surprisingly, the new slogan has not tested as well with the demographic Bud Light has been desperately hoping to reach: women. Since the new slogan debuted, sales among women have become almost obsolete. To combat this, representatives have spoken about building up the malt cocktails line, which currently include Bud Light Lime-A-Rita and Straw-Ber-Rita. Possible drinks could include A-Whole-Box-of-Tag-A-Longs-A-Rita, Small-Chicken-Caesar-Salad-With-The-Dressing-On-The-Side-A-Rita and White-Wine-And-Xanax-A-Rita. They hope to continue developing their products appeal to young women and plan to debut these drinks just in time for Valentine’s Day 2016.

-Rich Homie Gina & Egg