Ask MBG: Answers for Lost Lovers - Vol II
Name: Joshua Fortworth Razo
Problem: My dick is too big – every time I get a boner I pass out because there isn’t enough blood to keep the rest of me going. How do I get a girl to like me despite this?
Hello Joshua and Happy Valentine's Day. I’m glad you asked this important question. Try a different branding spin. Instead of saying “my boners knock me unconscious,” emphasize the fact that you’ll perform oral sex without need for reciprocation. That promise will win any girl’s heart. You can take that to the bank.
Also, I recommend some sort of sex swing configuration that allows you to boink upside-down. That way, the blood rushes to your head AND wiener. And I’m sure there’s at least 10 girls in the world who have a weirdo bat kink and will only boink upside down.
This is a regular column where Love Expert Master Bader Ginsburg answers all your love-related question. MBG is a widely known misandrist who has been divorced three times and widowed once. She was once called "The Feminazi we didn't ask for and also didn't need" by an employer. She has co-authored and self-published two books, both available on Kindle for $2.99, titled "Dump Him" and "An Impotent Truth: How Old White Men Caused Global Warming."