There is a time in every person's life where they face a crucial crossing. Two paths, both unclear, but certain to bring different and exciting fates; two paths splitting to carry the soul to new adventures, to triumph or even to demise.
That time won't be upon any of you right now. All of you reading this currently face only one viable option. That's right, ladies and gentlemen of the interwebz, SHERMAN AVE IS LOOKING FOR NEW WRITERS!
Now, we don't have time to go into detail about ALL the perks of being a Sherman Ave writer. We'll just give y'all a quick run-through: Incredibly high social status, alcohol sometimes subsidized by ad revenues, acceptance into a private Facebook group called "Sherman Ave Writers" which yields only the most abominable and atrocious posts, and an alarming amount of Triscuits, due to a bizarre deal we made with them during the recession. Oh, and you'll also get your VERY OWN pseudonym. And a lot of other things, like midget orgies.
All you have to do to apply is fill out this application and send it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org. The deadline is Midnight on Friday, October 19. After we review applications, selected applicants will be invited back for an individual interview on Friday, October 26. After the individual interviews, selected applicants will be invited back for a group interview on Sunday, October 28th. Some might say that our application process has too many stages; incidentally, those are the same people that can eat shit and die.
If you have any questions about the application process, shoot us an e-mail and we'll get right back to you. Please note that you do NOT have to attend Northwestern University to write for Sherman Ave.
Apply here. Or live the rest of your life in agony.