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A Romantic Retrospective: Fall Quarter

So, you’re a month and some change into your long distance relationship.  Congratulations on “making it work” while so many other people are miserable and alone.  You’ve come close to crying only a couple times when you were really drunk.   Everyone remembers your strength in those moments.  Good on you.

So far, you’ve done a great job not letting the relationship stop you from meeting new people.  Juggling this takes skill, and you’re crushing it.  People recall your composure with that drunken phone call you got when your old prom date discovered how awesome flip cup is.  Wasn’t that the time you casually mumbled, “I miss you, too,” in front of everyone you’ve considered hooking up with on your dorm floor?  Up to this point, they concluded you friend-zoned the world.  You’re back in play hot shot!

Sure, it’s tough.  Chin up.  You’re in the Midwest.  Your paramour is in, well, probably the Midwest.

Now, let’s not downplay the good times.  You literally can not remove the memory of that time you guys decided to try Skype sex while your roommate went to SPAC, and the video got scrambled because everyone in the dorm started playing Xbox online.  Hysterical.

Get excited for Thanksgiving break.  One: the sex.  Two: the grueling conversation about putting the relationship down.  Three: the post-turkey day sex.  Four: starting things back up with your mate.  God, you two should never ever be apart again.  Excellent save.

These are life lessons that you’ll be sure to remember.  You won’t at all put yourself in this situation senior year of college.  You’re going to turn down that job offer in Houston, and you’re moving to Brooklyn to stay together with that dorm mate you’ve been hooking up with on and off since freshman year.  How about that? You’re a New Yorker now!

-Cobra Lederham

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