House #1PNM (Potential New Member): Oh man, am I excited for recruitment! Joining a sorority sure seems like a great way to meet new people and build strong support syst—OH GOD WHY ARE THEY ALL CHANTING, WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO??
House #2 Sorority Sister: So tell me about yourself? PNM: OH GOD HOW DO I RESPOND??? AHHHHHHHHHHHH
House #3 PNM: So they keep calling these parties, where’s all the booze and boys? FUCK NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THOSE THINGS PLEASE DON’T REPORT ME TO PANHELLENIC AND SHUN ME FROM GREEK LIFE FOREVER
House #4 PNM: Wow, your philanthropy sounds really cool! Sorority life seems like a great way to get involved in community service and make a positive impact! Sorority Sister: *attempts to stifle laughter*
House #5 PNM: SO HUNGRY. Oh good, there comes a girl with a tray! FUCK it’s just water. Oh wait, there are cucumbers in it, I can work with that! Yes, I’ll take twenty, please!
House #6 Don’t think about how much you have to pee, don’t think about how much you have to pee—Oh god their whole presentation is just a video of a waterfall? WHY IS THAT A THING?!
House #7 Sorority Sister: So tell me about yourself? PNM: OH GOD AGAIN. HOW DO I RESPOND??? AHHHHHHHHHHHH
House #8 Sorority Sister and PNM in unison: So how are you? Sorority Sister and PNM in unison: Good and you? *panic, continue in loop for rest of party*
House #9 Sorority Sister: So nice meeting you! (places hand firmly and intimately on PNM’s back) *WHY DO THEY KEEP TOUCHING ME*
House #10 Sorority Sister: So where are you from? PNM: Portland. Sorority girl: What’s your major? PNM: I don’t know. (Silence) *Panic, life flashes before eyes*
House #11 *President makes mediocre joke during presentation* *Whole sorority laughs uproariously in unison like it’s the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. Milk comes out of some of the girls’ noses even though there is no milk in sight* PNM: Oh god, and these girls have heard this presentation 11 times in a row already… Did someone have a seizure the first time?
House #12 *Everyone in room stares at clock like 4th graders waiting for summer break* PNM’s and Sorority Sisters in unison: “Please let it end, please let it end.”