A Day in the Glamorous Life of a Summer Intern
This entire day is an inner dialogue with you, yourself, and… you. Because you’d rather sit in your cubicle during lunch than, God forbid, talk to someone in the office.
7:00 a.m. - Hahahaha what drugs was I on last night? Why did I think I would EVER get up this early?
7:15 a.m. – Second Alarm. LOL.
7:30 a.m. – Third Alarm. Nah, I don’t really need to shower. What’s another day anyways?
7:45 a.m. – Fourth Alarm. Fuck me.
8:00 a.m. – Fifth Alarm. No, really. Fuck me.
8:08 a.m. – Ok, ok, ok!!! I always get ready in 12 minutes. It’s fine.
8:12 a.m. – I’m like 46% sure this is the third time I’ve worn this outfit. This week. No, it definitely is.
8:20 a.m. – Run to the train. I hate myself. Nothing wrong with a little a fuck ton of sweat. So fun sitting in a literal pool of sweat.
9:00 a.m. – Sprint like fucking Usain Bolt. What’s another sweat stain!
9:06 a.m. – Bathroom break.
9:15 a.m. – Staff meeting. Sit in the back and feel uncomfortable. Definitely don’t talk to any other interns.
9:23 a.m. – Bathroom break 2.0. Bring Candy Crush into the bathroom with you because fuck yeah you still play that game! And fuck yeah you still ROCK at it!
11:59 a.m. – Did I really just spend two hours reading Buzzfeed and playing Candy Crush while nervously looking over my shoulder? You sure did, champ. Thanks for your contribution to this company.
12:00 p.m. – Lunch! Here we GO. 30 minutes to myself…. To fucking play Candy Crush. God Dammit.
12:30 p.m. – Back at it, baby. Here I go. I do WORK on these Excel spreadsheets.
2:00 p.m. – Realize an hour a half just went by. HOW? HOW DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?
2:15 p.m. – How many times do I have to scroll through my Instagram feed until I go clinically insane? I’m just wondering. Just keep refreshing and see.
2:30 p.m. – Realize you haven’t checked your email in a couple hours. Well fuck me! Your boss is asking for the summary of that report you were supposed to read. And that Excel sheet.
2:33 p.m. – No but really just one more level.
2:45 p.m. – Skim the report. Forget where you are for a second. Pick out a sentence. Yeah, that seems like the main point. I’ll just have a unique “angle.” Yepppp, that’ll do it!
3:30 p.m. –Don’t read it over. Send it on over to your boss and feel goddamn impressed with yourself.
4:14 p.m. – Your boss just sent you an email asking you “read over” what you wrote. Okay, well fuck you, too.
4:30 p.m. – “Reread” your work.
4:45 p.m. – Realize they aren’t paying you. Maybe if they paid you, you would read your work. Maybe.
4:51 p.m. – 9 more minutes. You got this.
4:55 p.m. – Close enough. Run out of the office without talking to anyone. Fuck you all.