A Brief History of Presidents' Day
Today we are celebrating the most important US Holiday. Is it Flag Day? No. Is it Tax Day? Close. Is it Fourth of July? Goodness gracious, you are terrible at guessing! It’s Presidents' Day, obviously. Unknown to most, Presidents' Day is the quintessential American Holiday. Created in 2004 after the Justin Timberlake/Janet Jackson Super Bowl XXXVIII incident, it’s a day meant celebrate the leaders of the free world past, present, and future.
Some people make the mistake that PD (Presidents' Day, duh) is all about George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Those people are wrong. PD is more than a man who may or may not have chopped down a cherry tree or a man who may or may not have changed the way we think about race in America. It is day to really dig down deep into the wells of patriotism that live within your heart and realize that it’s your chance to buy a Honda with zero down payments, zero monthly fees, and zero interest.
However, the founders of PD, Nancy Pelosi and her husband, Paul, did not intend this to be simply a day about great deals. There is, in fact, a traditional course of action on PD. The festivities begin at dawn, with a three hour American history exam with both tactile and audio/visual components often administered at your local DMV. After the test, it is crucial that you listen to the Billboard Top 100 Songs of 2004 while dressed up as the president you are the most “meh” about (For example: I dressed up as Grover Cleveland last year). Once that’s over, you will likely take a 3-hour nap or down 6-7 bottles of 5-Hour Energy, your call. The very end of the day is traditionally celebrated in the home with wine (preferably Strawberry Hill) and an American cheese plate (Kraft singles served with saltines). This last leg is a time for reflection as well as criticism, both constructive and cruel. In many ways, this is what PD is truly about.
So today, all I ask is that you sit down and really think what this day means to you.
Questions such as:
What does it mean to be an American citizen? What does it mean to be a citizen at all? Why is the word “president” sort of difficult to spell? How much does Diet Coke cost normally? (Like, not at a movie theater) Should you forgive your father after all these years? Should you forgive my father after all these years?
The answers will come February 17th. Trust me.
